Page 97 of Fight For Me

“So we’ll talk to them!” she yells right back, not cowed by my outburst in the slightest. “You think Will was looking at you weird? We’ll go talk to him too. We’ll explain how it was, explain how we feel, and then we’ll drive to the neighborhood and do the same thing with the parents.”

“You don’t understand how they’re going to take this, how angry they’ll be.”

“Okay, they’ll be angry. Big fucking deal, Wyatt! Sometimes families get angry. Sometimes they fight. God, do you have any idea how many fights my dad has broken up between your dad and uncles? They fight and then they get over it. That’s how it works. We’re talking about ourfamily, here. They aren’t going to like, disown us or leave or—”

I’m not sure what she sees in my face, but it must not be good because her words abruptly cut off as her eyes widen. “Oh my god,” she whispers. “That’s what you think, isn’t it? You think you’re going to—what? Lose them?”

I want to argue with her, tell her she’s being ridiculous, but the words get stuck in my throat.

“You don’t understand,” I finally manage.

“Then tell me. Talk to me, Wyatt!”

I stare at her across the few feet of distance between us. It suddenly feels much wider. We’re close to a lamppost that flickers every so often, the harsh fake light making her looked washed out, her skin deathly white.

Or maybe that’s just what I’ve done to her.

“I should go,” I rasp out.

“What? No!” Panic covers her features as she reaches for me, clinging to my arm. “Don’t go. Let’s go talk to Will. We can work this out.”

I feel about a hundred years old as I look into the brown eyes I love so much. “Alex.”

As suddenly as she grabbed it, she drops my arm. “You’re never going to be okay with this relationship,” she says, horrified realization washing over her face. “You’re never going to want to be in the open with me. You’re never going to let me be a real part of your life.”

“You are a part of my life.” She’s fucking everything.

She shakes her head. “But only if we can keep it a secret, right?”

Guilt and shame boil up in me. She shouldn’t be anyone’s secret. Being with her makes me the luckiest guy in the world and I should be screaming it from the rooftops, bragging to everyone I see. So why in the hell can’t I make those words come out of my mouth?

She brings her hands up to her cheeks, moisture gathering in her eyes. “God, Wyatt. I feel sosadfor you.”

That was the last thing I expected her to say. I deserve her anger, her disgust. I deserve for her to slap me and go storming off, for her to find someone better who isn’t so screwed up.

She’s staring at me, eyes filled with tears now. “I am so sorry that you had shitty stuff happen to you when you were young.” I jerk like she slapped me, not understanding how we got to this. “I’m sorry your dad died before you could meet him, and I’m sorry your mom couldn’t take care of you for a while. And I’m so, so sorry you lost Bruce and Alice.” She takes a step closer, reaching for me, but I stiffen, not wanting her touch. I’m pretty sure it will break me into pieces. “But don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re wrapping yourself in your loss, Wyatt. You’re using it as a shield.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I croak out, but my voice is shaky and it feels like there’s a hundred razor blades in my throat.

“It’s not! You’re so afraid to be happy because you think you’ll just lose that, too. But you’re not going to lose me, Wyatt. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t promise that.”

This time I can’t stop her from touching me. She grabs the front of my shirt like she wants to shake me. “So you’d rather just end it now, is that what you’re saying? There’s a chance we might not be together someday so we may as well not even try? How is that better?”

Because at least that doesn’t put me at risk for losing everyone else.

I don’t say the words, but Alex always got me better than any other person ever did and she knows exactly what I’m thinking now. She shakes her head, eyes full of pain, and releases my shirt.

“You deserve better than what you’re giving yourself,” she says. “We could be happy, Wyatt. Not everyone gets to say that, but we could.” When I don’t have an answer for her, she takes a step back and I can see hope fading from her eyes. “I don’t want a secret relationship. I want to love you out in the open. I want to take adventures with you, to go on random road trips, to escape to the beach and spend the day by the water. I want to sit up with you when I can’t sleep and listen to you play piano and teach you how to knit. To play with George—” her face crumples and I know she’s remembering that phone call, remembering that he isn’t actually ours.

But she pulls it together. She straightens her shoulders and raises her chin. She’s a fucking goddess, so strong and fierce and beautiful and brave, determined to tell me exactly what she needs. “I want a love that’s so big it terrifies me in all the best ways,” she says. “I want you. I wantus.” She stops for a moment, that strength and confidence wavering before she sucks in a deep breath, her expression steady but so sad. “I don’t just want all those things, Wyatt. Ideservethem. You deserve them too. But if you’re not willing to at least try…” she searches my face. “I guess you should just go.”

Everything in me is screaming no. I need to find a way to be as brave as her. I need to pull her into my arms, to feel her. I cannot walk away from her.

“Alex?”

We both turn to see Everly and Will standing by the entrance to the building. They must have come down to check on us. No, to check onher. Because that anger is still written all over my brother’s face and I know he isn’t here for me.