Page 66 of Weathering The Storm

“Of course not.” His thumb rubs circles over my shoulder. “You’re the only one who threw up.”

I laugh. “How are they doing?”

“Perry got air-lifted to a bigger hospital in Anchorage—he should be getting out of surgery soon, I think. If he hasn’t already. Jorg and Orlov weren’t admitted, but they’re in the waiting room. Next air taxi doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning. I can go let them know you’re up, if you want. They were worried about you.”

I nod, running my fingers through his tangled hair. “In a little while.”

Nick manages to accept that and lie still for a whopping two minutes before I feel his whole body tense in anticipation of whatever he’s about to say. “I’ll make sure you all get paid for the catch, too. I don’t have the funds to settle everything out of pocket right now, but I should be able to front most of it. I’m gonna file a claim with the insurance when I get back, and when that money comes in I’ll—”

“I don’tcareabout the money. Give my share to the rest of the crew if it’ll help. They need it more than I do.” I take his hand. “I care about you, Nicky. That’sallI care about. I care about making sure you’re not beating yourself up for saving my life. I care about how you’re doing after that talk with your dad, because I know how much theSuojameant to both of you. And… I care about what you told him at the end there.”

“Oh. I didn’t plan that. But the things that used to worry me just”—Nick gnaws on the inside of his cheek—“don’t, anymore. Not after yesterday. I shouldn’t have been worried in the first place, because they took it well. Part of me always knew they would. They’re good people. The best. They didn’t care about that any more than they cared about theSuoja. And now I’ve made them feel terrible by keeping who I am a secret from them all these years—”

“Hey.” I give his hand a squeeze. “You don’t need a reason to keep any part of your identity to yourself. You don’t oweanyoneany part of who you are that you don’t want to share. This isyourlife. Whatever momentyoupick is the right moment. All that matters is that they support you now.”

He offers a grateful, albeit bashful, smile. “They want to meet you, fair warning. I told them it was new, so they know we’re still figuring things out. But I can’t blame them when they’ve never seen me with anyone. I think they’re just excited.”

“I’m not figuring anything out, Nicky,” I tell him. “‘New’ and ‘casual’ aren’t synonyms. I’m serious about you. I askedyouto come to Seward, too. Or did you forget?”

“I didn’t know if you’d still want me to go,” he says, as if he hasn’t broken my heart enough with how hard he’s being on himself.

But the harder he’s going to go on himself, the easier I’m going to handle him.

“I want you everywhere I am, baby. I wanna fall asleep beside you every night and wake up next to you every morning. I wanna go fishing and hiking together. Get an RV and take a stupid-long road trip. I wanna get a dog with you. Two, so they each have a friend. We can wait until we retire from the commercial shit, or we could go adopt them right now. I’ll drop them off with Audrey while we’re working and cash in on all that free babysitting I’ve done.”

Nick’s eyes soften. “What if I’m a cat person?”

“Then it turns out I don’t know you at all, because there’s no way in hell.”

He finally, fully, lets himself laugh.

“You’re the one for me.” I cup his jaw, my thumb tracing the outline of his beard. The outline of his lips. “And if you would’ve given me a second to say it back before throwing me off the damn boat… I would’ve told you I love you, too.”

His eyes glass over right before he pulls me in with shaking hands, pressing a kiss to my forehead. And when that one ends, another. A lingering brush of his lips.

It doesn’t occur to me until then that, at thirty-four, this is the first time he’s ever heard those words romantically.

I’m the first man who’s ever told Nicolas Lundvall that I’m in love with him, and that’s the biggest shame I can possibly imagine. So I keep telling him.

“I love you.” I rest my head in the crook of his shoulder. More than anything, I want to kiss him, but my breath has never been more revolting.

“I love you.” I kiss his collarbone instead, over his sweatshirt. “I love you. I love you. I love you, Nicky.”

“I love you,” his voice breaks apart into something watery and thin when he says it back.

It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. Not from losing the boat that belonged to his father and having to rebuild his business from the wreckage. Not from everything he lost, but from what the two of us have found.

That night was the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my life. But this season gave me him. I wouldn’t trade a single memory we made to erase the hurt. I’d do it all over again.

Chapter 19

Nick

My parents weren’t the only ones keeping up with the weather. News of the storm made its way down the Kenai Peninsula as people waited to hear which ships had been affected, which of their friends and family members were lost at sea or still awaiting aid.

Seth’s folks had seen theSuojaamong the capsized vessels, and his mother bawled her eyes out the moment she got his call.

“Thank you for bringing my son home,”she told me, after insisting that Seth put me on the line.