Page 11 of Weathering The Storm

Seth needs to stop smiling at me like that, or I won’t even be lucid enough to operate a kayak.

He winks. “Not on my watch.”

F/V Suoja

October 18, 2130 hours

57°20’N, 159°18’W

NW winds 10-14 knots, seas 6-9 feet, air temp 32°F, water temp 43°F, pressure 29.78 inHg

First pot recovery completed after 72-hour soak. Averaging 8 legal males per pot. Lower than desired for early season.

Crew worked efficiently to haul and reset all traps today. Plan is to run north and re-launch. Forecast appears relatively stable through mid-week.

All systems operational.

Total catch to date: 9,520 lbs

Nicolas Lundvall, Master

October 18

Seth already smells like the inside of a crab pot.

That should be a turn off. God, it really should. But he also smells like the ocean, and winter, and, when he gets the chance to shower, this intense pine bar soap that makes me want to inhale him like the first waking breath of Christmas morning.

That’s what he smells like when he comes into the wheelhouse to relieve me for the next four hours, and he starts peeling off outer layers like he’s trying to send me into cardiac arrest.

“Ah,” he sighs, kicking back on the bench seat between the stairs to the crew mess and the stairs to the captain’s quarters. He stretches his arms above his head and his undershirt rises to flash a thin sliver of skin on his lower stomach. Tanned obliques and a trail of brown hair disappearing behind the waistband of his sweats. “Nice and warm in here, Cap’.”

“Practically the Four Seasons,” I say dryly.

“Just heated up some dinner and lemme tell you, Four Seasonswishesthey made goulash as good as yours… or chili, or stroganoff, or biscuits and gravy. If you weren’t the best skipper I’ve ever worked for, I’d say you should’ve been a chef.”

“Well, I’ve gotta keep you guys coming back somehow.”

His smile crooks up higher on one cheek, and all I can think about is pressing my lips to the deep groove it makes. “You know I’d keep coming back anyway, Nicky.”

I’m staring at him again, and I can feel it going on too long. The eye contact is fucking excessive at this point, but I’m trapped in sweet, sticky toffee brown.

“You could always get your captain’s license, you know,” I say. “You’re more than qualified. As much as I’d hate to lose my best guy… you’re ready for the next step if you want to take it. You’d make a damn fine captain.”

What I don’t tell him is that even though I dread the thought of saying goodbye, I almost wish he’d move on.

I don’t know how much more of this I can take, but I do know I’ll never be strong enough to tell him to go. I’ll settle for so much less than the true intimacy I crave.

“I dunno. I’m not a great test taker.” Seth shrugs. “Barely got my GED and all.”

“Not because you’re not smart. You’re a fast study. You know these waters as well as I do. And the guys love you. You knowpeople, and that’s just as important as all the technical details.”

“It’s starting to sound like you’re trying to get rid of me.” He says it like a joke, but the slight crinkle between his brows makes me feel more guilty than I already do for pushing him away because I want too much.

“Never,” I say, firm and clear. “I just wanna make sure you know… I believe in you. You’re capable, you know your shit. You don’t have to settle.”

“Well. Don’t worry about me. Being your mate’s never felt like settling.”

He comes over to me, propping a hip against the edge of the helm station.