Page 89 of Game Misconduct

“I won’t. I swear. I know I said some things last summer, but I regret them now.” Leif looked weirdly earnest.

Tanner nodded and kept going. “So Jeff saw that I was struggling. He saw that I was starting to slack on hockey, that Iwasn’t really focused the way I needed to be. That I was hanging out with some guys who weren’t great and he sat me down and he talked to me. And like, I wasn’t exactly in the mood to listen to anyone right then, especially adults.”

Leif gave him a faint smile.

“But Jeff got through to me. And he just—he was that father figure I really needed back then. He got me back on track. That’s one of the reasons my mom was even willing to date him. Because he’s a good dude, you know? He was so good to me. And that’s why he wanted me on the Furies. He’d be my coach and it would get me away from those guys and …”

“It worked.”

“Yeah, it did,” Tanner agreed. “So every day when I wake up, I think about how fucking grateful I am for Jeff. Because without him, I might not have made it here, to the NHL. Or, even if I did, I might have—might have become like Malone or something.”

He glanced down and realized he’d been fiddling with the hem of his sweats.

“I don’t think you ever could have been like that,” Leif said.

That was probably one of the nicest things Leif had ever said to him and Tanner lifted his eyes to look at him. “Really?”

“Really. You—look, we both know you drive me crazy sometimes. But you’re a good person.”

“Even though you think I wrecked your chance at playing for Boston?”

Leif winced. “I don’t think that anymore.”

“You don’t?” Tanner sat up.

“No. I mean, it was easier, having someone else to blame, right?” Leif looked away. “The truth is, I was so fucking in my head back then. The pressure was getting to me, and I kept fucking up when the stakes were high. That’s always been my issue.”

“You’re not doing it now. You didn’t do it at the North Atlantic Tournament.”

“That’s because I have about five thousand coping mechanisms, thanks to my dad.”

“He’s the best.”

“Yeah, he is,” Leif agreed.

“So how do you cope?”

“When I get anxious and stuff?”

Tanner nodded.

“Lots of deep breathing. Meditation. Having routines.”

“And I fuck those up?”

Leif looked startled. “I mean, I suppose you make me have to—to be a little more flexible about them, yeah.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Would I be doing this if I did?”

“I dunno.” Tanner plucked at the hem of his sweats again. “Would you?”

“No.”

“Well, I am sorry I was kind of all over the place earlier,” Tanner said. “I mean, I came in here late, talking a mile a minute, andprobably stressing you out. Thanks for helping me chill out. I’m usually fine but tonight I—I didn’t want to let you down.”

“Let you down? Why would you let me down?”