Page 85 of The Mother-in-Law

I admit I’m lost. In the many visits I’ve had from my children and their spouses, never has anyone asked menotto give money.

‘Nettie would kill me if she knew I was here, obviously.’ Patrick looks out the window, onto the garden. ‘She’s on a mission for a baby. She’s obsessed by it.’

‘You think I don’t know that?’

‘You don’t knowanything.’ He raises his voice, cutting through any pretence of decorum between us. ‘It’s like she’s possessed. Some days I’ll be talking to her and it’s like she’s not even there! Her legs and stomach are covered in bruises from injecting herself with hormones. She spends her entire life on the internet reading stories from people who managed to conceive after years of trying. She trawls through forums of people who have done IUI or IVF or, lately, surrogacy. She doesn’t talk about anything else.Nothingelse.’ He tosses the little jacket back onto the table.

For a moment I’m taken aback. Only a moment. ‘That must have beenawfulfor you. No wonder you had to find multiple girlfriends to ease your burden.’

Patrick’s eyes creep up to meet mine.

‘You’ll need to go a little further away than country Victoria if you want to keep a secret around here, Patrick.’

Patrick has the decency to look ashamed, which is something, I suppose.

I study him. ‘So . . . you don’t want a baby, is that it? You don’t want to be shackled to Nettie?’

‘No, that’s not it. Idowant a baby. At least I did. But I accepted it wasn’t going to happen a few years back. Nettie didn’t. And now . . . I don’t know how to help her. She’s either a walking zombie or she’s totally manic from her latest fertility idea. She’s not the same person I married.’

He looks so sad I rein in my anger.

‘So what do you want from me, Patrick?’

‘I don’t want anything. That’s exactly my point.’

‘Actually you do want something. You want me to withhold money from my daughter so you can avoid having a conversation with her that you need to have.’

Patrick opens his mouth but I get in first.

‘And what happens next? Once Nettie gives up on her baby dream? You give up your girlfriends and you both live happily ever after?’

He exhales. ‘I don’t know, okay?’

But he does know. And suddenly I do too. There are age restrictions around surrogacy in Australia, even for intended parents. In a few years, Nettie and Patrick will be too old to become parents. Which means that Patrick just has to ride out Nettie’s craziness for another year or two. And with my recent ‘cancer’ diagnosis, in two or three years he’ll be able to enjoy a comfortable, childless life. A life with all the little extras he’s enjoyed with us over the years. Whisky, cigars, homes by the beach. Now that it’s within his reach, he’s not going to give it up.

‘Well,’ I say, ‘regardless of whether I give Nettie this money for the surrogacy, you need to talk to her. You need to tell her about the other women, and you need to tell her you no longer want a baby.’

Patrick shakes his head. This has not gone the way he wanted. He thought he could come here and form some alliance with me, I realise. Him and me against my daughter. The idea makes me sick to my stomach.

‘Diana, I really don’t think—’

‘If you don’t, Patrick, I will.’

Patrick’s eyes flash as he rises to his feet. He smiles, a horrible mean smile. ‘Look at you, acting all concerned about your daughter. Nettie’s spent her whole life vying for your attention, and you’ve never given her the time of day. You’ve spent more time worrying about your refugee women than your own children. And now you’re acting holier-than-thou. Who do you think you are?’

‘I think I’m her mother.’

‘Some mother.’

He squares up against me, but I’m not scared. If Patrick wants me to change my mind, he’s going to have to kill me.

56

DIANA

The past . . .

After his pathetic attempt at trying to intimidate me, Patrick finally leaves. I finish sorting the baby clothes and then go into the study. I sit in Tom’s old chair, running my fingers over the surface of the desk, picking up pens and notepads, touching the things that he touched. It’s been a year since he died and he’s started to disappear from the other rooms, which have been cleaned numerous times, but I still feel him in here.