Page 48 of The Mother-in-Law

Unlike Diana, Nettie comes to my place because ‘you don’t want to be strapping all those kids in the car to come to my place’. (Hallelujah.) She nearly always arrives with treats for the kids (and asks me if it’s okay before handing them over), coffee for me and a ready-to-eat dinner for Ollie and me to eat that evening. Sometimes she takes the kids out to give me a break; other days, like today, we amble around together, doing errands and visiting the park. Usually when she’s around she’s always upbeat, radiating happy energy, but today she seems off her game. Her hair is unwashed. She’s wearing leggings, a long cardigan and trainers which, while perfectly appropriate for a day in the park, are a good step down from her normal stylish attire. And while she’s been talkative enough with Archie, she’s barely said a word to me all morning.

‘Are you all right, Nettie? You’ve been quiet this morning.’

Her gaze creeps sideward. ‘Have I?’

In fairness, Nettie isn’t usually a big talker, especially about herself. She plays her cards close to her chest, preferring to ask questions than to give information. But I see an internal struggle in her eyes now, and it occurs to me that maybe shedoeswant to talk about her.

‘What’s going on?’ I ask.

She steals another look at me and then exhales. ‘Okay. The truth is . . . I had a miscarriage a few days ago. That’s why I’m off work this week.’

‘Oh Nettie, I’m so sorry.’

She remains focused on pushing the swing, shrugs a little. ‘It’s fine. It’s not my first, actually. Patrick and I have been trying to have a baby for three years. We’ve lost three others, all early, during the first trimester.’

‘You’ve hadfourmiscarriages?’ My mind reels back over all the times she might have been pregnant or miscarrying and I had no idea. I think in horror of all the off-the-cuff comments I must have made.

‘You can have this pram when I’m finished with it . . .’

‘Just wait until it’s your turn—’

‘I’ll repay you when you have your kids.’

Narcissistically, I’d thought Nettie would tell me about something like this. Foolishly, I thought I’d know.

‘I assumed you were focusing on your career,’ I say weakly.

Nettie shakes her head, laughs blackly. ‘I couldn’t care less about my career. I want a family. I have PCOS, so I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I never thought it would be this hard.’

‘Have you seen a fertility specialist?’

‘Two. We’ve tried Clomid and IUI. I’ve injected my belly with hormones for months on end. The next step is IVF.’

‘Well I know dozens of people who have had babies using IVF. Half the kids in my mother’s group were IVF babies,’ I say eagerly.

‘I know, but it’s not cheap. With the mortgage and all this fertility stuff, I’ve got nothing left over. And Patrick’s business, well, it’s not exactly thriving.’

‘Surely your parents will help you?’

‘Of course I had to go through that hideous formal process of asking them. Then Mum said no.’

My jaw drops. I know Diana’s rule on giving money, but I can’t fathom that this would extend to Nettie’s IVF.

‘Dad’s given me money in the past, for the IUI and some of the testing. But Mum doesn’t know, and Dad hates lying to her. So . . . I guess we’re on our own for the IVF.’

‘Sometimes I really hate her,’ I say before I can stop myself. Immediately I want to take it back. Diana is Nettie’s mother. No matter what she does, Nettie will be loyal to her. ‘Nettie, I’m sorry I—’

‘Sometimes I do too,’ Nettie says, and with that, we drift into silence, pushing robotically as the swing chains squeak in the cold morning air.

27

LUCY

The past . . .

‘Iwant to pop a cracker with Harriet,’ Archie says, sidling up to me in the kitchen.

He’s already wearing an orange paper Christmas hat on his head and has a green plastic whistle around his neck, which tells me it wouldn’t be his first cracker of the day. My dad and the entire Goodwin family are jammed around our dining table, dipping prawns into thousand-island dressing. The table is lined with festive serviettes, paper plates and decorations made lovingly by Archie at daycare.