Page 78 of Stubborn as a Shadow

“Wait… Is it frozen?” That didn’t sound nice.

“No.” Then he paused. “Well, it shouldn’t be. It's in my coat pocket.”

I frowned at him. “Do you always carry lube in your pocket?”

“No. But…” He pressed his face against my neck, before whispering, “I thought we might need it.”

“Really? Because I wasn’t sure you were into me.”

Nelson braced himself on his elbow so he could look me in the eye. “I’ve been attracted to you since I first saw you. I just…” He frowned. “You deserve so much, Morgan. Things I can’t give you. You should really save yourself for someone else. You shouldn’t give this moment to me.”

I clutched at him—wrapping both my arms and legs around him—in case he got the ridiculous idea to roll away. “I don’t know what gave you that idea, but I’m not at all special. In fact, I’m pretty sure you’re the one getting the bad end of this whole thing.”

He rested his forehead against mine. “I shouldn’t be in your life if I can’t stand in the light with you.”

“You shouldn’t try to guess what I want because, honestly, you’re horrible at it.”

“You’re…”

“If you say I’m a unicorn as some kind of explanation, I might have to bite you. I might not be a wolf shifter, but a unicorn’s teeth aren’t anything to sneeze at.”

“What does that even mean?”

I thought over what I’d said. Okay. That had sounded weird. “You know what I meant.”

“Besides," Nelson said, "lots of supes bite during sex.”

“Really? Wouldn’t that hurt?”

“Not if done right.”

“Huh.” That was… intriguing. “Wait. We’re getting off track. Why are you trying to talk me out of this? Don’t you want me?”

“I’ve been trying to keep you at arm’s length,” Nelson admitted as he pressed his face against my neck again. “Clearly I’m not doing a good job of it.”

“Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because you deserve so much more than me…” he whispered. “I’m not a good person. Fuck. I’ve done things…”

He’d worked for the SC, and I’d heard enough rumors to guess what he was talking about. But weirdly, the idea of Nelson killing people didn’t bother me as much as it probably should have. I knew he would only have resorted to that if he had no other choice. And he wouldn’t have done it if the person hadn’t done awful, terrible things. I trusted him.

“The way I was raised…” he continued.

“I don’t care who raised you. They aren’t you.”

“You don’t understand. They weren’t good people. Mercenaries. Thieves. Assassins. And they raised me to be like them. I was robbing people by the time I was five. I was fifteen when I took another person’s life. The mage… She caught me stealing an enchanted scroll. I didn’t even know she was dead until the next day. My mom ran away when she heard, leaving me with my father.” He swallowed hard.

Tears filled my eyes. I wanted to find his family and stomp on them. All of them.

“My mom knew I was just like the rest of them. That’s why she left.” He let out a shaky breath. “I went into the shadows for a long time after that. I don’t know if I’d survive if you left me too.”

“I’m not leaving.” I poked his chest to drive home my point. “And I think you’re a better person than you believe.”

He shook his head.

“Really. I might not have met your team yet, but I know enough. I know that they are there for you. I know you respect them, and you wouldn’t respect someone who was an asshole. I know you trust them. And I know you have been trying to find me all this time, not because someone told you to, but because you wanted to. Bad people don’t have a network like that. And they don’t go out of their way to help strangers.”

“If it wasn’t for Gage, I’d probably have lost myself to the shadows centuries ago. He found me at my lowest… He saved me.” Nelson averted his eyes.