Page 66 of Demon's Beauty

Soleil gives her head a rueful shake, and her eyes slide away from me. They drift to the small fire, which pops and crackles and casts its golden light over us both.

For a few long moments, neither of us say anything.

Have I just ruined the moment?

Probably.

Whatever’s weighing on my witch’s mind, she’s obviously holding it close to her chest. Perhaps it’s not something she’s ready to tell me, but I’ve always been a hasty, impatient creature, so I can’t resist trying one more time.

“Unless that’s not something you want?”

The soft question puts a furrow on her brow, a little crinkle of concern I’d like to lean over and kiss away.

“I’ve been struggling with it,” she admits, still not meeting my gaze. “The wholematesthing and what it means for me. For us.”

I take her hand again and rub soothing strokes over her palm with my thumb. “There’s no hurry to figure it out. It’s alright to take the time you need to.”

“It’s not. It’s… I don’t know how to…” she trails off, breath coming out of her in a frustrated huff. She looks out over the field of stellarin blooms, eyes unfocused as if she’s not seeing them at all. “I’m supposed to Ascend soon. On Samhain.”

I tilt my head, trying to get a better look at her. “Ascend?”

“It’s a coven thing. Very few witches ever have a chance to do it, and it’s an… it’s an honor, really. Something I’m very grateful for. There’s no reason I shouldn’t be—”

“Hey,” I say softly, squeezing her hand and stopping her runaway thoughts. “Breathe. And back up a little. What is Ascending, exactly?”

She does as I ask and takes a deep breath, gathers herself before she continues. “It’s a pledge we make to the coven. A binding. It makes us members of the Crescent Coven Council, connecting our magick to all our sister witches.”

“What else does it mean?” There’s something she’s not saying, but I can’t quite figure out what.

“It means the coven is my life. I’ll sit on the council. I’ll be responsible for educating the generations of witches who follow me, for strengthening our community, deepening our magick, making sure we continue on into the future. My duty as a priestess will come before everything else.”

Ah, now I understand.

A whole life, tied to her coven.

It doesn’t leave room for much else, does it?

Despite my growing certainty, I have to let myself believe I’m wrong, have to ask her anyway.

“And witches who go through this Ascension, they don’t have mates?”

Soleil shakes her head. “Well, mates aren’t really a thing for most humans, but husbands? Spouses? No, witches who’ve Ascended don’t have that. They might have lovers, or other types of informal partners, but their first and last allegiance is to the coven.”

“Sounds like a lonely life,” I murmur.

“Sure, it might seem that way. But it’s also… important. The Ascension ritual ties our magick to the coven. It strengthens us all, helps us stay safe. The Crescent Coven has existed in one form or another for nearly a millenia, mainly on the strength of the witches who’ve dedicated their lives to ensuring it endures.”

The words don’t sound like they belong to her entirely.

Not that I’d accuse her of falsehood, but something about the way she says them sounds like she’s reciting a lesson, not speaking from her own heart.

But what do I know about it?

Her life is a mystery to me; her coven and her relationship to it are complicated and very obviously important to her.

“And this is the path you’ve chosen?”

“I…” Again, she hesitates, trails off, shakes her head to clear whatever worries plague her. “It’s a path I’ve been on since I was a child.”