Page 136 of Demon's Beauty

And it’s not like anything would change overnight.

But it’s something to think about.

Just a thought.

A passing idea.

I tuck it away for later.

“What do I know, though?” Seren says with a sigh. “I left. I was never going to have enough patience or give enough fucks to want to stick around and change things for the better.”

“What if I never do?” I ask, giving voice to the fear at the core of it all. “What if I choose to Ascend, spend my whole life fighting against the way things are, and in the end I have nothing to show for it at all? What if I give everything else up for nothing?”

She doesn’t have a ready answer for that, and fuck, I wish she did.

I wish someone did.

I wish someone could just tell me if the sacrifice would be worth it, if I’ll achieve the change I dream of and still find some way to be happy despite it all.

That’s not how it works, though.

That’s not how life works in the slightest, and the huge, unfathomable cavern of uncertainty rears its ugly head again.

“Are you thinking about Finn, in all of this?” she asks tentatively. “What it would mean for the two of you?”

I roll my eyes. “You’ve got a demon mate. What do you think?”

“I think there’s pretty much nothing in the entire universe I wouldn’t give up if the alternative was losing Callum.”

Her words hit me like a gut punch.

“I just wasn’t sure if that was… the same for you. I know you and Finn are still figuring things out, and you aren’t—”

“I am.” I swallow hard. She isn’t the one I should be confessing this to. “I mean… it’s not just… it’s not just fun. For me. Finn and I… we’re…”

She lays her hand over mine on the table, silent permission for me to stop explaining myself. Silent reassurance she understands me, anyway.

“You know there’s no middle ground with the coven,” I say, throat tightening again. “It’s either all in or all out. Nothing done half-way.”

“Says who?”

The question draws me up short. “Says… everyone? Says… theGoddess?”

“Have you asked Her about that directly?” Seren grins, and my eyes nearly pop out of my head at the sacrilege.

“What do I know, though?” She raises her hands in surrender. “Like I said, I know nothing about the coven anymore, but the one thing I do know is that you can’t avoid it forever.”

“You’re not wrong,” I grumble, and lay my head down on the table atop my folded arms.

Seren reaches over and gives my shoulder another reassuring squeeze. “Whatever happens, though, you won’t lose me. Not again.”

My heart clenches painfully, and I turn my head a fraction to look at her. “Not even if I Ascend?”

“Not even if you Ascend.”

“Why? What changed?”

“I… have been made aware I sometimes rush to judgment and act before thinking.”