Page 3 of 50 First Skates

She giggles while rolling her eyes and then snorts a little, and that makes her laugh and snort again. It’s so cute, and she isn’t self-conscious about it at all. I like that. I like it a lot.

“Hey, I have a question. What the hell is a Fluicer?”

“Oh, the Fluicer is a very sexy device,” she says as she picks up another box.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, I would never date a man who didn’t have at least one Fluicer in his kitchen. People used to say to guys who wanted to go out with me, ‘How do you expect to seduce her if you ain’t got no Fluicer?’”

“Well, lemme tell you—I’m about to get two of these bad boys. How do ya like them apples?”

“Citrus fruits.”

“Huh?”

“It’s for juicing citrus fruits. And it folds flat for easy storage. Flat juicer. Get it? Fluicer.”

“Got it. Yeah, I definitely need two of these. I like my oranges freshly squeezed. Like my women.” I really fucking wish I didn’t say that out loud.

A smile spreads across her sweet face, and knowing that I’m the one who made her smile like that? It’s what I imagine it feels like when you’re welcomed through the pearly gates of heaven. “Oh yeah? Well, I love a man who lets loose on my caboose.”

Or hell. The smoking hot gates of sexy hell. I would go there with her in a fucking heartbeat.

I think I’m in love. I always wondered what it would feel like to swallow my own tongue. Turns out it feels exactly like blood rushing to my dick while winning the lottery. “Roger that.”

Her blue eyes go so wide, and her cheeks turn the prettiest shade of pink. “I can’t believe I just said that. Um. To be clear, I was just being witty. I don’t do—” She leans in and lowers hervoice, even though we’re the only ones in here. “I don’t do, you know…butt stuff. At least not yet.”

“Gotcha.”Still at half-mast. Just run the clock, Rafferty. You got this.

“And I’ve only been spanked by a guy one time during sex. I don’t think he had a lot of experience with that activity, but I kind of liked it.”

“Wow.” Yup. I’m in love.

She slaps her forehead. Actually slaps her forehead like a cartoon character or a little kid in a Christmas movie. “I honestly have no idea why I just said that.”

“I’m really glad you did.”

The lady in the back room starts talking louder and says, “All right, Diane, I’d better get back out front!… No,I’mtakingyouout for lunch next week, Diane! No,Iinsist!”

“Oh, it sounds like Sheryl’s wrapping up her call. I should head out.” Soleil starts backing away from me.

“Hang on, I’ll come with you.”

“No, buy your stuff. Listen, I’m going to drive over to Waterfront Park now for a walk. I’m telling you this because I’m almost positive you aren’t going to follow me there to murder me, and I really hope you don’t.”

“I can promise that I won’t ever murder you, although that is definitely what all murderers say.”

Soleil pushes the door open. “I gotta go. Come to the main parking lot off Waterfront Drive. Soon.”

“You got it. I’ll be the guy in the unmarked van with tinted windows.” I really hope she didn’t hear that because she’s out the door already.

What the fork just happened?

Fifteen minutes ago I walked in here looking for shit to make breakfast with, then I found the perfect woman and lost my heart.

One thing’s for certain: I’m staying in town tonight.

Now I have a goalandstructure for my day, my week, the next six months, and possibly the rest of my life.