Page 41 of Librarian

“We need to talk about this. I want to apologise. Properly.”

I stride over and snatch the papers from him, splitting them roughly in two and dropping half back onto the desk.

“Kyrie.”

I whirl, two steps from the door that leads to the hall and my freedom. “Don’t call me that! I don’t need to talk to you. I don’t want anything to do with you.”

“Look, I know you fecking hate me right now, but if you’ll just give me a chance?—”

“Hate you?”

How can he be so smart, and so incredibly dumb at the same time?My eyes squeeze shut, heat searing the inside of my throat as I wrestle with the knotted ball of emotion that’s been burning inside me since I woke up and heard his voice.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“How could I ever hate you?” I demand softly, vision blurring as I force myself to meet his stare. “You were my safety. My comfort. I came and read beside you for months because you were the one person in the Arcanaeum who seemed just as lonely as I was. Itrustedyou. Despite everyone telling me not to. Despite knowing your ensorcellment might one day bring ruin to the Arcanaeum.”

The most humiliating part of this ordeal is that Dakari predicted exactly what would happen when I first offered him Sanctuary, and I brushed him off. I foolishly believed I knew Leo better. My delusional little mind honestly thought that we shared a secret bond.

In the end, that was all just a girlish fantasy.

Just like with Edmund.

I’ve managed to keep my words even, but it’s getting harder to pull air into my lungs. “Don’t youdaretell me I hate you, Galileo Ó Rinn. I loved you in silence for months.”

His lips part, and he reaches for me, but I shift away.

“And in return, you broke my heart”—My hand lands on the cold, steadying brass of the door handle as I take another step back—“in a hundred tiny ways. I drove myself into the ground trying to save you while you went behind my back. You crushed your brother when your secret came out. You betrayed the Arcanaeum without so much as a second thought. It would have been better if your ensorcellment had killed me, because I’m more furious with you than I haveeverbeen, and in spite of all this…I cannot hate you.” Those four words are mournful in theirquietness, painful in their truth. “Magic knows I’ve tried. I can’t even regret a single moment we spent together.”

His eyes melt until they’re twin oceans of grief.

“I’ll fix it.” Then, at my slow headshake, he pushes, “Let me try. Kyrith, please.”

He sinks to his knees in the paper-strewn room, the glacial force of his gaze returning with a vengeance. But as much as I don’t hate him, I don’t know if I can forgive him either.

How can I ever trust him again after what he did?

“An apology isn’t enough,” I tell him. His shoulders drop, hands fisting against the carpet. “I may not hate you, I may even understand your reasons, but you still did all of it knowing how it would hurt me. I don’t owe you a second chance.”

“Please,” he whispers. “You’re right. I did all of those things. I’m the reason you lost the Arcanaeum, the reason you had to go through everything you did, and I have absolutely no right to ask this of you, but I’m begging you, let me try.”

I turn to face the door, still shaking my head. “How can you possibly fix this?”

I should’ve known better than to fall for the trap, because this is Leo unfettered by his ensorcellment. His piercing intelligence, which I once so admired, is no longer hampered by fear. Of course he would start planning this the moment he was free. All of that intensity and determination had to go somewhere, after all.

He may be kneeling, but he’s more dangerous than ever.

“To start with, I’ll take care of myself,” he begins, and there’s enough hope in his voice that I can’t help turning back. “I made stupid decisions because I was desperate and running on empty. I’m sleeping properly, eating regular meals, meditating, working out. I’m getting myself into a mentally healthy place so I’m strong enough to be a better person. For you. And I’ll fix things with Lambert, with everybody. I did wrong by allof them. Banjaxed friendships I should never have taken for granted. And…” He swallows, sets his jaw with determination, and reaches into a pile of papers on his left, drawing free three familiar pages. “And I want to offer you this.”

The contract.

Oh stars, no. I am not accepting that. Where did he even get another copy?

Hackles higher than they’ve ever been, I glower at him. “You can’t seriously have the audacity to think?—”

“You wrote the contract because you wanted to experience everything you were denied before, and there are things on this list that none of the others will give you.” My jaw clenches at being talked over, but he powers on. “Impact play, wax, nipple clamps, cockwarming. I’m the only one who ticked those boxes, right?”

“Let me guess, you’re willing to sacrifice yourself so I can experience everything? How gracious of you.” My sarcasm isn’t even subtle. “I wouldn’t sleep with you if you were the last man alive.”