Page 31 of Librarian

I know how to do this. He’s lectured me on how to formulate a true apology before. Somehow all of that knowledge has fled my brain, and what escapes is…not great.

“I fecked up.”

He snorts, walking straight past me as he waves his hand in a ‘go on’ motion.

“Badly.”

“Horribly,” he agrees. “But which fuck-up are we talking about here?”

My hand lands in my hair, tugging sharply at the wind-knotted strands as I keep pace with him, trying to put into words everything that’s been playing on repeat in my mind for the last few days.

“Everything. Not telling you about our mam. Hiding from you after you found out rather than taking responsibility.” Just thinking about how badly I handled that makes my chest ache. “I ignored every warning while I chased a cure for the curse and justified it as saving you, and then Kyrie. I pushed both of you away by being an utter bastard when neither of you deserved it. Distracted her when she should’ve been focused on saving the Arcanaeum. Told her I loved her and then turned to Mathias for help. I was so bloody stupid to believe I could outsmart him. If I’d thought about it properly, I would’ve known I never stood a chance.” My shoulders heave as I finish spewing the words in a rush, and I have to swallow to clear the thickness in my throat before I can speak again. “I’m so sorry…for all of it. I swear, I regret everything.”

Lambert raises a brow, puts the cat down on the gravel, and starts paying undue attention to the retractable leash in his hand. “You missed some.”

My head drops. “Yeah. I know.”

“She barely remembered to take care of herself because she was so focused on saving your ass, and then you made her sob her heart out when she had to banish you.”

My fists clench at the thought of her tears, but Lambert isn’t done.

“When you gave yourself over to Mathias and he left you to die, she sent you here with a book full of instructions on how to save you. Then he sacrificed her all over again, because of you.Can you even imagine what that was like for her? Did you even consider what would happen to the Arcanaeum? You saw what Mathias did to it when we were there. Kyrith told Dakari she can’t even feel the Library anymore. Youknowwhat that has to be doing to her.”

If he’d managed to remain calm before, it’s gone by the time he finishes. Even Westley has stopped trying to attack his laces.

“And now you ‘regret’ it?” Lambert shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”

My gut turns to lead and sinks into my shoes. “I do.”

“If your ensorcellment was still active, you’d still be kissing Mathias’s feet, begging for a cure, while judging the boss lady for being with Dakari.”

“That’s not true!”

He scoffs. “Isn’t it? You’re a smart fucking person. You knew exactly what you were doing.”

My head shakes, but I can’t meet his eyes. “Tell me how to fix it,” I beg. “You’re my brother?—”

His fist connects with my face, sending me spinning. Pain radiates across my cheekbone. I catch myself on the bonnet of the nearest Prius before I face-plant in the dirt, but I think he knocked loose a tooth.

“You hadyearswhen you could’ve told me we were related. You didn’t bother to even mention it until you thought you could use it to get your way.” Lambert stalks away as I cradle my cheek, Westley mewing grumpily as he’s tugged along. “Stay away from Kyrith. Stay away from me.”

“I was protecting you!”

He turns on his heel and scowls at me. “I didn’t want you to! And protecting me from what? I was never going to die from that ensorcellment, and neither was Kyrith. Do you know why?”

I shake my head.

“Because it was always so goddamn obvious what you valued most, and it wasn’t either of us, or you wouldn’t have pulled this shit!”

He doubles his pace, disappearing behind the row of neatly parked cars, leaving me to stew in my thoughts while a bunch of curious McKinleys pretend not to watch.

Shite.

I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to screw up so badly that even Lambert couldn’t forgive them.

My head falls into my hands as I struggle to breathe past the tightness in my throat.

That couldn’t have gone worse.