Page 127 of Librarian

I hold my hand up for silence. “This is not forgiveness.”

Truth be told, until the Arcanaeum wakes up and proves that nothing he did was permanent, I’m not sure I can take that final step. Still, I’ve been thinking about it more than I should since our return.

Some things are unforgivable. Now that I’ve had time to reflect on everything that’s happened, I don’t necessarily believe this was one of them. His motives weren’t malicious; they were desperate and misguided. He spent weeks neglecting himself. I’m sure his judgement was impaired by lack of sleep and stress. And no one can refute that he’s doing everything he can to make things right.

Even if those attempts haven’t always gone down well.

He’s taken several concrete steps in the right direction. Apologising. Honouring every boundary I set. Making changes. Taking care of himself and of me. Protecting me.

Beyond that, I miss him. I miss having him call me Kyrie. I miss working beside him.

Feeling that quiet spark back on Rathlin Island, however fleeting, made me realise how much I want it back.

Hanging on to anger when it’s served its purpose would be foolish.

In the end, it comes down to a few simple questions.

Do I believe he’s changed?

Yes. He wouldn’t make the same decision again, and he’s been going to great lengths to prove as much.

Do I still want him?

Yes. Our attraction has never been in question. More than that, he has a beautiful, quick mind, and his devotion to those he cares about is a fierce, proud thing.

Can I trust him with my heart?

That remains to be seen. I’ve been burned once. It’s only natural to be hesitant. Rebuilding what we had will take time. I know that. What matters is that Idowant to rebuild it.

However, we’ve reached the stage where moving forward requires a leap of faith on my part.

With that thought firmly in my mind, I lay the folded contract carefully on the arm of his chair.

“You were right. I do want to try things on my list that the others aren’t comfortable with, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I trust you enough to do them with you. At least, not alone.”

His finger traces the edge of the paper like he’s reassuring himself it’s real as he swallows. “You’ve made amendments?”

“I want one of the others with us for some of the acts on the list. I’ve highlighted them.”

It’s a buffer. A safety net. I named Dakari or North specifically for our first time, because they’ve already earned my submission. Both of them have gone to great pains to care for me after the whirlwind of passion and sensation is over. If I can trust Leo, if he keeps proving that I’m safe with him, I’ll drop the requirement.

“And I expect you to keep your promise,” I add. “You don’t come. Not inside me. Not in your hand afterwards.”

That part is a test of his commitment, a gauntlet thrown. I don’t even pretend otherwise as I keep him pinned in place with my gaze.

Far from baulking as I expect, he nods jerkily. “Not a problem. And my additions to the list?”

Somnophilia and objectification.

I swallow before answering, “I’ve accepted them, but again, I want one of the others there.”

He runs a hand through his curls. “Are you sure?”

“My safe words were in the contract.” I flow out of the chair, landing softly on my knees and setting out my work on the floor. “Do you intend to honour them?”

His throat bobs, eyes glittering as he takes in my new position. “Of course, but?—”

“Galileo.” I edge my tone with enough steel to cut through the uncertainty in his. “I’ve thought this through. Do me the courtesy of not doubting my choices.”