Page 42 of Louder Than Words

Yeah… that was a complete and utter lie.

The bumper-to-bumper traffic had my nerves stretched so thin, I was physically fighting myself not to beg Jax to take the next exit and head straight for Logan Airport the second we crossed into Massachusetts. I’m also half convinced I broke his hand from squeezing it so hard. And he didn’t say a word about it. Just let me hold on as tight as I needed to, like he always does.

But the second the sun disappeared into the night, and everyone fell asleep, I could finally feel my shoulders start to relax and my breaths coming in easier. Now it’s nearly one in the morning, and the SUV is quiet. It’s just me, Jax, and whatever’s playing softly on the radio.

I watch a single raindrop trail down my window when I feel Jax lift my hand. Glancing over, I watch as he softly presses his lips to the back of it, then gives me one of his crooked smiles.

“So,” he says, eyes already back on the road, “have you ever been to New York?”

I shake my head. “Nope. Always wanted to, but Mom said it wasn’t safe,” I say, letting out a quiet laugh. “What about you?”

He nods. “My father was from upstate, so we went almost every year until I was about Charlotte’s age.” He smiles, but it fades just as quickly, his fingers tightening around mine for a split second before loosening again. “After that, not really. Not until now. And then again when we go on tour,” he adds simply, as if he didn’t just look like he ran over a puppy a few seconds ago.

When what he says finally registers, and my heart slowly sinks at the reminder of the tour coming up. Because that means in less than three months, he won’t be just a phone call away anymore. He’ll be states away, stuffed in a van, moving from venue to venue. And I’ll be here, cheering him on from a distance as his world gets bigger—and mine feels like it’s shrinking.

He’ll be in new cities, jumping into a whole new crowd, and even meeting new people. People who will be there for him inways that I won’t be able to. Every win he has, someone else will be the first to know. Same goes for his bad days.

Someone else will be there forallof it.

And at least a few of them will be women. Beautiful women who won’t come with emotional baggage, and won’t hold him back from living the dream he’s worked so hard for. The one that’s right there, within his reach. They'll fit effortlessly into his world while I’m still learning how to exist in it.

I’m spiraling so bad, I don’t even realize Jax isn’t holding my hand anymore—until I feel his fingers squeeze lightly around my thigh.

“You okay? You went quiet there,” he says, his voice low.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I glance over, but don’t quite meet his eyes.

He shoots me a side-eye with a raised brow. “I do know what that’s code for, love.”

I bite the inside of my cheek—not hard enough to draw blood, but just enough to will the tears to stay where the hell they are.

Another squeeze. “You wanna talk about it when we get there?”

“I’m really okay. I just get in my own head sometimes,” I admit softly.

He chuckles. “That’s funny—’cause you’re always in mine,” he says, tossing me a wink.

I roll my eyes, but the corners of my mouth twitch before I can stop them.

He catches it instantly. “Ah-ha,” he says. “There it is. A smile.”

I shake my head, trying to hide my still growing grin beneath the sleeve of my shirt.

“No, but seriously, Al,” he says, quieter this time. “Try to let me in there once in a while. Stop trying to fight these demons alone when you know you have me to unleash.”

The way he saysunleashmakes me raise an eyebrow as I glance over at him, not even trying to hide my confusion.

He has a smirk plastered on his face as he peers at me out of the corner of his eye and flashes his entire bicep like he’s Johnny Bravo.

And that does it. I lose it. Full-on cackling as I reach over to gently pull his arm back down, just as someone rustles in the back.

I lean in over the center console, whispering, “You’re going to wake everyone up.”

He snickers. “Good.”

Tilting my head, I look up at him. “Now, Jaxon, that’s not very nice.”

“Fair enough,” he says, pretending to be serious, even as a smile tugs at his mouth. “We should just let them sleep in their seats. They wouldn’t want to come inside this place anyway.”