Page 41 of Louder Than Words

So he definitely can’t blame this shit on the booze. Not sure if that’s a plus or a minus.

I toss him against the brick wall, not realizing how hard until I hear theunfleave his mouth.

“What the hell are you doing, mate?”

He shrugs—and it makes me want to kick him. “Just living my life.”

I raise a brow, tilting my head. “Tell me, does Nora always give you a weekend pass to feel up strangers? Or is Sunday the only freebie?”

He shrugs. Again.

I scoff, not knowing what to say or do at this point. It’s like he doesn’t have a care in the world for the woman he’s with—or the literal child they created together.

“Mate—”

“Oh, save it, Jax,” he snaps, his face scrunching. “You just don’t get it. You want these things. Allie wants these things. Me? I never did. Ever.” He shakes his head slowly as tears start to form in his eyes. “And now I’m fucking trapped.”

“You’re not trapped. You’re allowed to not be with someone who doesn’t heal your soul. What you’re not allowed to do is be a fucking coward and leave your daughter without a father just because you and Nora made a dumb decision. That’s not that baby’s fault, mate.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not mine either!” he snaps, voice cracking as he takes a step toward me. “How the hell was I supposed to know she lied?”

I blink, unsure if I actually heard him right or if the smells are just getting to me now.

“Lied? What are you talking about? Is she—wait. Is the kid not yours?”

He gives me a blank look, clearly unimpressed. “Of course she’s mine, mate.”

“Then what—”

“When we met, she told me she was on birth control. That was like the first question that flew out of me because obviously it was dark when the power went out, and we were drunk and I was in no position to be searching around for a bloody rubber—”

Or having sex, clearly.

“So I asked her if we needed the extra protection.” He pauses, shoulders slumping as he lets his back hit the wall. “She saidno, Jax.”

My eyebrows pinch together. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean she lied. Birth control isn’t always the most effective.”

He shakes his head, a bitter laugh spilling out of him. “No, mate. She lied. When we went for the scan, the doctor afterward asked if precautions were taken, and she just shrugged and said no.”

My eyes widen. I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused. “Well, have you talked to her about it?”

He pushes off the wall, eyes now glued to the cement beneath our feet. He starts to move past me, then stops, turning just enough to glance over his shoulder.

“So when I tell you that you’re lucky, Jax—” he presses his lips together, like he’s biting back something else he wants to say “—It’s not to be a dick. I’m being literal.”

I stand there, watching him disappear back into the pub. I don’t chase him, I don’t push him to say more, I just let him go.

Because if I know Gareth even half as well as I should after twenty-one years of friendship, then this is exactly what he needs—space.

19

Allie

I never thought one of the biggest arguments I’d have with my friends would be about how we were getting to New York.

A once in a lifetime opportunity in a state that’s only maybe eight hours away—yet somehow, the argument lasted over three full days. That was until I finally had enough of other people making decisions for me and I said we were driving. Why spend over three hundred dollars on airfare when we have a perfectly good vehicle big enough to fit everyone?

Of course I understood why they didn’t want to drive. They weren’t trying to be difficult—they were just trying to protect me from the whirlwind they knew my mind would be in. But me, being stubborn the way I am, said I would be fine. That it wouldn’t happen. I even brought up the Boston trip, thinking it would help my cause.