Page 57 of Castle of Refuge

She scrambled down without waiting for him to help her. But of course it was much easier to get down than up.

“May I walk around the trench on our way?”

“Of course.”

She walked around the mound with him beside her.

“Have you ever felt a longing for something but you don’t know what it is you are longing for?” Audrey looked up at him.

“Longing?” He wanted her to explain, even though he was fairly certain he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“It’s a feeling that you are missing something, a place or a person, but it’s a place you’ve never been to and a person you’ve never met. Almost as if you dreamed about it and now you’re longing for it. I asked my tutor about it once and he said the Germans have a word for that.Fernweh.”

“I know the feeling you mean.”

“Perhaps it sounds strange and unspecific, rather foolish, I imagine.”

“Not at all. And if the Germans have a word for it, then you are certainly not the only one to feel it.”

She smiled rather gratefully at him. “I had that feeling a lot before I came here, but I haven’t had it since.” She cocked her head to one side, staring at the ground, as if pondering this.

He felt longing every time he looked at her lately, but it wasn’tFernweh, because he knew exactly what he was longing for. He couldn’t tell her that, so he said, “Interesting that we don’t have that word but the German language does.”

“I was supposed to help you learn German! I completely forgot. Why have we not started our lessons?”

“Because you were enjoying teaching the children and I did not wish to exhaust your patience trying to teach me.”

“Not at all. You should have reminded me. I’m sure you are a very good student.”

“I was not a good student when I younger. I would rather have been outside practicing jousting and sword fighting. But as I grew older, I liked reading and studying more.”

“I always liked reading almost as much as exploring. And talking. I liked talking with my friend Helena even more than reading. I suppose that is the sort of thing that annoys men.”

“Talking?”

“A girl’s chatter. My father used to cover his ears and say, ‘Don’t chatter on so.’”

“I have never felt annoyed by you. That is, I do not believe I have the same disposition as your father.”

Audrey smiled and shook her head. “No. I don’t believe you do. My father is much gruffer and more impatient... and inattentive. I always feel as though he is not listening to me.”

When they arrived at the trench, Audrey stepped into it and followed it all the way around, walking while looking down, a contemplative look on her face. When she came back around to him, she smiled.

“What were you thinking when you were walking the trench?”

“I was wishing I could hear the people who made the trench telling me why they did it. It seems such a strange thing to do, to dig a trench in a circle around some standing stones. I would like to know what they were thinking.”

“Are you always so curious about what people are thinking?”

She appeared to ponder his question for a moment, then she said, “Yes, I suppose I am. I wonder what makes people do what they do and what it is they really want.”

They started walking again as he began leading her to the stork’s nest.

“For example,” she went on, “I often wonder what you are thinking.”

He waited for her to go on, fervently hoping she would.

“I wonder what it is you really want.”