Page 43 of Falling for the Unexpected

Chapter 11

Simone

I stood under the showerhead letting the hot water pound on my back. What had I done? I let my silly schoolgirl crush on Kyle get way out of hand, that’s what. I had done a lot of stupid, impulsive things in my past when it came to sex, but this had to be close to the top of the list.

Sex was always the way I tried to find acceptance. Now that I knew better, it sounded stupid, but growing up feeling like I didn’t belong to anybody really did a number on me. Then being married to Brad didn’t help matters; instead, he’d made me feel even worse about my past.

I hadn’t had sex with anyone since the last time with my ex. He’d turned me off it and I hadn’t had much of a desire until Kyle waltzed into my life. Six months of meetings and phone calls, giving so much of his time to help me with my divorce had meant so much to me. He’d shown his attentiveness and kindness toward me and Stella, but had always maintained a level of professionalism so I never thought he saw me in that way. Sure, he kissed me a couple months ago, and then he had pulled away quickly and we never talked about it again.

For all I knew, he still didn’t see me as anything more than a one-night stand, which was why I wanted to savor that perfect moment and not spoil it by wanting more than he was willing to give. I knew enough to know Kyle got any girl he wanted, but he wasn’t a relationship kind of guy. It wasn’t like I was looking for anything serious either, but Ilikedhim. A lot, too much. Even though I didn’t want to ruin things with him on a friendship level, I wondered what dating someone like Kyle would be like. He was so different from other guys I’d known.

But I finally had perspective, and I felt a little wiser coming out of this process. That was partly due to seeing my therapist. A therapist Kyle had dated and probably slept with. Man, I was an idiot. Still, she made me realize I was strong and resilient. I wouldn’t always get it right, and I’d screw up but I’d learn, and keep growing. I also had a great support system to catch my fall.

It was why I felt that being with Kyle tonight was like taking ten steps backwards. Resorting to old behaviors in an effort to feel wanted. I hadn’t realized that I’d been lonely, missing having a man in my life. And once again, I’d slept with somebody who didn’t have any real feelings for me. I was just a hookup, someone convenient. It wasn’t that Kyle was a bad guy; in fact, everything I knew of him proved he was actually pretty great, but I just couldn’t imagine for a second he’d want to be in a relationship with someone like me. I was a twenty-two-year-old divorcée with a child, and if that wasn’t enough of a reason, he was an educated, successful lawyer and I was just a waitress with only a high school diploma. We really had nothing in common.

When he’d kissed me on the dance floor, I knew what I was getting myself into, but I didn’t want to stop it. Even knowing it was going to be a one-night stand, I felt an inexplicable need to keep going. And he definitely didn’t disappoint.

I had been with my fair share of guys, but none of them had ever made me feel the way Kyle had tonight. Sex with Brad had never seemed so intimate. On his best nights, Brad preferred to get off as quickly as possible and never showed much concern for my needs. On his worst nights, he seemed to enjoy degrading me with his words and not caring if he caused me physical pain.

Kyle was so different. He kissed me passionately; he looked into my eyes, said kind words to me, and most importantly, made me come. Twice! I had been so tempted to take him up on his offer to continue things, but figured it would be even harder for me to leave his room afterward. This way, it was a clean break and we could both move on with a great memory.

*****

The next morning I woke up a little after nine feeling refreshed. I was a little leery of making my way downstairs, but told myself that I wasn’t going to make this awkward. I was an adult and I was going to approach the situation like one.

I stepped into the kitchen, stifling back a laugh at the three zombies barely sitting upright in their seats. The kitchen had windows all around, so there was no way for them to hide from the bright morning sun. Seeing how miserable they all looked, I was glad that I hadn’t had much to drink.

“Good morning,” I said in a sing-song voice.

I was met with three groans coming from my fellow partiers as they passed around a bottle of aspirin and guzzled down water.

“Morning,” Kyle said. He was the only other person who appeared to be fully functional this morning. The fact that he didn’t seem hung-over made me feel better about last night. At least he couldn’t write me off as a drunken mistake.

“I’m making eggs and bacon for breakfast. Hopefully the grease will help these three,” he said with a grin, while pointing at the others with his spatula. Ian was still in his pajamas, and Addie and Kayla were in same outfits they wore last night. Same as me. Kyle was in athletic shorts and a thin white T-shit. I looked at him for a second too long, remembering his body above mine. I felt my whole body flush, every sensory memory flaring, and I had this sudden urge to touch him, to remind myself of how his skin felt against mine. I hadn’t gotten to look at his body as much as I’d wanted. I remembered that he had a tattoo on his chest from when we had been swimming at Jim and Marla’s. That had been an unexpected surprise and I was disappointed I’d missed my chance to check it out a little closer last night. Everything happened so fast, the urgency and frantic pace. It was like two colliding stars going supernova. Seeing Kyle now, looking as sexy as ever, just reminded me that I’d never had a sexual experience like what we’d shared—and I likely wouldn’t again.

“Can I help with anything?” I asked, trying to distract myself.

“Sure, you want to make some toast?” He pointed around his state-of-the-art kitchen. “The bread is in the pantry and the toaster is over there.”

Kyle was talking to me as though nothing had happened between us, and while a part of me was grateful for that, another part wondered if last night had meant anything to him at all.

Ugh! I was sounding like a foolish little girl and it was making me mad. I should have been relieved that he wasn’t making things weird. It was exactly what I wanted. Or was it?

Truthfully, I’d always wanted to have a man desire me and want a relationship with me. The idea that someone would actually pick me for who I was… it was something I never thought would happen for me. It didn’t need to be Kyle, but I wanted somebody to want me like he had last night. I wanted that every night, for the rest of my life. In the past, guys wanted me for sex, and once they got it they were gone. Brad was only with me because of Stella. I longed for a man to choose me because he wanted me, to be friends as well as lovers, one who cared about me and could come to love Stella.

Deep down, however, I feared making the same bad mistakes. Another thing Dr. Hamilton had taught me was that I needed to stop thinking that I didn’t deserve things. That underlying belief that I had no right to a good and decent life had fueled my early behaviors, and what had convinced me to marry Brad despite my misgivings. Brad had been a huge mistake—but he’d given me Stella, Trent and his parents, as my new family. And indirectly, Addie and Kyle. He was still a jerk, but I couldn’t say I got totally screwed over.

I was feeling all these emotions from my one night with Kyle so I concentrated way more than I needed to on the task at hand. I placed the bread in the toaster and went to grab the butter and jelly. As I passed him, he looked up at me and smiled. The look he gave me was sweet with a hint of concern. I wasn’t entirely sure what that look meant so I smiled back at him, hoping to convey that I was okay even though I wasn’t.

We continued to move around each other, getting breakfast ready for everyone. Then I heard a text notification from Kyle’s phone go off. He picked his phone up off the counter and read the message.

“Looks like we need to make another plate. Trent will be here in five minutes,” he noted, setting his phone back down.

I had forgotten that Trent had gone home with Ashley. She was one of Kayla’s friends from college, studying to be a nurse as well. To cheer me up one night, Kayla had organized a painting and wine event with a bunch of her school friends. Ashley and I had hit it off and she was now a regular participant in our girls’ nights out.

On schedule, the doorbell rang five minutes later. Not waiting for anyone to answer, Trent walked into the house. Our three semi-conscious friends were finally waking up but still complaining about headaches and the bright sun. Trent didn’t look worse for wear as he took a seat next to Ian. He must have stopped by his apartment, because he looked freshly showered and ready to start the day. He was also in cargo shorts and a red T-shirt, which he had not worn last night. His hair was still wet and he clearly wasn’t suffering from a hangover.

“So this is where everyone ended up,” Trent said with a smile. He nudged Ian with his elbow to which Ian scowled and pushed Trent back, harder than necessary, nearly unseating his friend. Kyle laughed. I shook my head. Boys. “Guess I’m the only one who got lucky last night.”