Page 81 of The Sound of Him

Jake is leaning toward Travis. Jake is speaking. Jake is amused, his words low and kind of teasing.

I grab my water with a shaking hand, sipping slowly, carefully.

My throat can’t be closing up if I can swallow the water. That’s just logic. A fact.

I’m swallowing water, so I’m able to take in oxygen too. I can breathe. IknowI can breathe. I haveprovedthat I can breathe.

I can breathe, I can breathe, I can breathe, I -

Someone shouts. A chair scrapes on the floor. Someone else yells back.

I’m not fine.

I can’t breathe at all.

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t -

Only 45 seconds.

Only, only, only -

I’m out of the room without making the conscious decision to run, my feet bringing me to safety. Except, they don’t bring me where they usually take me when my fight or flight kicks in. I don’t find myself in my bedroom, my bed waiting for me to hide beneath it.

Instead, I find myself looking at Ace’s office door. I find myself turning the knob and seeing that it’s unlocked.

I make my first conscious decision then. I take a step inside.

The screens are all off. The main light is, too. There’s a lamp in the corner, though. It’s just enough to keep the space from feeling too dark.

I close the door behind me. I turn the first lock. Then, remembering Ace saying he’s the only one with the key, I turn the second. The worst that could happen is that Ace doesn’t have the key with him right now and I have to get up to let him inside. I don’t think he’d even be annoyed, let alone angry about it.

Even if he did get angry, something tells me his anger is safe.

If I’m wrong, if his angerislike the others, then… at least I’ll finally know.

My heart is already slowing down by the time I’m climbing over the arm of the couch and into the hiding spot from before.

It’s not until I go to lay down that I realize I’m still holding the glass of water. My hand is wet. I must have spilled it at some point. I think it should feel cold or warm orsomething, but I feel nothing. I just stare at it, stare at the way a drop is about to fall off the knuckle of my thumb, and feel nothing at all.

I carefully put the glass on the little table that works with the couch to build my hiding spot. I wipe my hand off on my pants. The water had gotten on the cuff of my sweatshirt, too. I feel that. I feel the itchy feeling of damp fabric scraping against my skin as I move. I roll it twice.

I curl up in a little ball, tucking my now dry hand into the front pocket of my sweatshirt. The bunny is there - warm and dry and safe. I close my eyes as I rub my thumb in circles on what feels like its belly.

This is nice too. I wish Ace was here. I wish he was smiling at me.

I wish there was music. But still… it’s nice.

Nice is enough for now.

Chapter Fourteen

Ace

The thing between Travis and Maison needed to come to a head. It was making the house too tense. It was making the survivors uncomfortable. It was putting Carter in an unfair position.

It was breaking my fucking heart.

The dinner table, with most of the survivors still present, is not - in fact - where I wanted the clash to happen, however.