Page 33 of The Sound of Him

But that doesn’t really matter either.

“Matt?”

I flinch on instinct before forcing myself to look at him. I probably missed something important. I try not to let the worry about that eat away at me.

He’s wearing a smile that looks an awful lot like Bryce’s when he’s concerned.

“Do you need to take a break?” he asks.

A break implies having to start again, which sounds awful, so I hurry to tap the card forNO.

“Okay. You can knock once on the table if that changes. Or just get up and leave. You won’t be in trouble for either, Matt. You can do whatever you like here - apart from physically harming anyone.” He didn’t ask a question, but I can tell he wants some sort of response. I manage a small nod. “Good.”

There’s another silence, just as heavy as before.

“Matt, I think I lost you for a moment before. After you confirmed that you’d be here for at least a week, I asked if you think you’ll be staying here for at least 21 days. That’s a harder question to predict, for a lot of people, so if that question overwhelmed you, it’s understandable.”

I didn’t even hear that question.

How do I tell him that?

“Sorry, that wasn’t exactly ayesornoquestion. Do you think you’ll be staying here for at least 21 days, Matt?”

I hesitate this time. That many days feels like nowhere near enough time, but it also feels endless.

Really, it’s probably more about how long Nolan and Bryce will stay here. I’ll probably go wherever they go. If they want me to, at least.

Oh god, what if they don’t want me to?

“We’ve had quite a lot of survivors leave these first few days, but it sounds like most of you who are still around plan to stay for at least a month. I’m not sure if that helps you decide or not.” I’d wonder if he could read my mind, having said that with what I was just thinking, but there’s no way. I can barely read my mind these days. The place is a nightmare. “Can you try 21 days, Matt? I won’t hold you to it. You can always change your mind. But I’d love to create a plan for you that gives us at least that much time.”

If he wants a 21-day plan, and wants me to stay for at least 21 days, does that mean we have to start today so they line up?Because he said no therapy today. He said there was no rush for that.

Is there a rush now? Or does the 21 days just start whenever our first real therapy session happens?

Will the plan assign me times where I have to be here, even when my head isn’t working right? Like a schedule? Will he expect me to come even when I’m more ghost than man? Will we have to start over every time I lose myself in my own head?

Is 21 days even going to put a dent into the broken thing I’ve become?

There’s nothing else to do, though.

Nowhere else to go.

I have no one. I have nowhere. I have nothing.

I’mnothing.

So, I’ll stay. Sure. For 21 days. Or maybe forever. With the name Matt.

None of it is real, but it’s close enough.

I can accept close enough.

I should feel lucky I even have the chance of close enough.

I tapYES.

“I’m really glad,” he says, with another one of his smiles that means I gave the right answer. “I’m very thankful that you’re willing to put that trust in us to help you here, and that you’re willing to try to stay that long. I want you to know that I’m very aware of how monumental that is. I won’t betray that.”