Page 25 of The Sound of Him

“Stop now, before it gets out of control,” I half-beg, half-order him. “Sober up. Toss the rest of the booze - and the cigarettes, while you’re at it.”

“And you’ll tell Kellan you think it’s a good idea? Me going with Travis?”

It’snota good idea. It’s a terrible idea.

The alternative, though…

“I’ll tell him it’s a good idea.” I close my eyes, keeping my voice steady and calm. “But this is it, Keaton. It has to be, okay? Do this for closure and be done. Done with all of it - all ofthem. Tell me you’ll do that. Promise me.”

“Yeah, Ace,” he says immediately. “I can lock this down. Promise.”

“Lock it down and stay sober?”

“Yeah. Yes.”

I don’t know if I believe him.

I hate that I don’t know if I believe him.

When did I lose control of this situation? Am I losing control of anything else? How do I keep everything together if I don’t have a good hold on any of it?

“So, you’ll do it?” he asks with a far too happy voice.

I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

Someone tell me what the right fucking thing to do is.

“I’ll tell him. Yeah. Just - scrap the cigarettes and booze, get some food, probably a shower, then go to fucking sleep. Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. You do some self-care too, though. You sound exhausted and Adam said you’ve barely left your office. Are you sleeping on the couch you’ve got in there? Please tell me you’ve at least been taking naps on it, man. I don’t approve, like at all, but it’s better than nothing, right? And stop telling people they can skip their shifts and pretending like there’s a reason why you need to be the one on the monitors. There isn’t a reason. Go to your room. Get some actual fucking rest.”

I frown deeply.Adam. “That fucking traitor…”

“Hey now. If you can tell on me to Kellan, Adam can tell on you to me.”

“I don’t tell on you!” I argue. “And I’m a grown ass man. I can handle myself.”

He makes a sort of ‘eh’ sound, as if he’s not so sure. If he was here right now, I’d smack him over the head or toss something at him.

Instead, I have to settle for playing a little dirty. “You know, maybe youshouldn’tget to go on the mission with Travis. I could always-”

“Hey, no, not fair! No takebacks!” he all but squeaks. I can’t help but grin. He sounds just like the barely-adult man who pulled me from that dark closet all those years ago. At the time, he’d seemed so old and mature, so knowledgable. Now, I know he was just in the right place at the right time, with just enoughpower and resources to pull a rescue off, and not a true fucking clue what he was doing as he did it.

Sometimes I wonder if he regrets not just letting himself be that barely-adult man, even for just a little bit longer.

Sometimes I don’t think I want to know.

Sometimes I think I already do.

“No takebacks,” I promise him, trying to match the lightness in his tone. Trying to pretend. “How about this - we both get some rest?”

He sighs, but it's fake. Playfully dramatic. “Yeah, yeah, alright.”

“Alright.”

“But Ace?”

“Yeah?”