Page 46 of Expressionate
Dark eyes seek me out under the light of the moon. I feel like there should be emergency lights or motion sensor lights. But there’s nothing. Not even the pool is illuminated. It makes it seem like we’re locked here – together – in a whole newworld.
He turns away from me, leaving me feeling cold against the iron at my back. Before I can blink or do something stupid like reach for him, he dives into the deep end of the pool. Water laps at the sides, spilling up onto the concrete as he disappears beneath the surface. The waves ripple outwards in circled rings. They draw my attention, almost hypnotic until Tax’s dark head reappears above water and he shakes the water away from his eyes. Drops hit my legs as I approach. I feel stalked, trapped, by the deep cavern of his angry blue eyes. Angry? Why is he angry? Maybe it’s not anger. Maybe it’s just pain. In that regard, we are thesame.
I take a deep breath and I step off the edge and sink down, letting the water flow over my head. Once I’m submerged, I open my eyes. I can’t see a thing. Just as I’m about to break the surface, though, strong arms pull me further down and away from the surface. Lips press against mine. Shocked, I open my mouth to protest and realize my mistake when water flows inside, cool and choking. I squeeze my eyes closed against the darkness once more and fight to go up. He doesn’t letme.
Tax grips me tighter, holding me fast as he continues to press his lips to mine. The heat from him burns away my fears and I find myself – despite my aching lungs – sinking further, not only into the water, but into him as well. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, letting him cage me in – relishing in the warmth of his skin sliding against me. I wonder, why do I like it? Why do I find Tax’s embrace so entrancing, so captivating that I’m willing to drown myself just to feel him close to me? Perhaps because it’s the one place I don’t feel naked and broken, even if Iam.
Floating in the pool, I don’t feel anything but him. The water encompasses us both, blocking the rest of the world out, making this place seem as though it’s on a different plane of existence entirely. With the water cool against my skin, it makes Tax’s heat that much hotter. Almost as though I’m burning alive. All my ice melts under the wave of volcanic emotion he pours intome.
When we finally break the surface, I suck in air, heaving it in as quickly as possible. I’m not scared of suffocating anymore. I want to go back down. I don’t want to feel the night against the flesh of my shoulders and cheeks and eyelids – freezing my skin. It reminds me that we’re not alone. There are other things out there, other people. I want to go back down – down into the darkness with him. But he stops me before I take the next dive. He holds me, shivering, in his arms, floating in the middle of the pool, gaze boring deep, eyes seeking something inside me. What? I’m not sure. I can’t ever read him. He’s crass, sometimes – violent and bloody others. He’s sarcastic. And inpain.
Does it make me a bad person that I don’t want to see that pain disappear? Because that’s the one thing I truly understand about him. I’m nothing like him. I’m cold where he’s scalding hot. I’m soft and weak where he is strong and impenetrable. But in his pain, I understand him. In his pain, I see him. And me. I see how we’re not so different after all. If all of that pain and darkness disappears then there’s nothing left I can give him. No acceptance that he would take. No understanding that he would cherish. Because no one would have to understand, no one would have to accept what isn’tthere.
Is it wrong of me to want to keep him in the dark with me? Is it wrong to not want to bealone?
“Love.” I’m shaking when he says my name. I don’t understand why, but I’m scared. No. I’m terrified. He takes my hands in his and then gently pulls me until my face is pressed against his chest and he’s swimming towards the edge of the pool. “If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to do something to you that we’ll bothregret.”
When my back meets the pool wall, I yank my head back and stare up at the underside of his jaw. “I wouldn’t,” Isay.
Tax’s entire body tightens against me. I wait for him to say something. When he doesn’t, insecurity creeps into my chest. “Would you?” I ask. “Would you…regretit?”
“I’d regret,” he begins, “anything that would hurtyou.”
“And if it doesn’t?” My chest rises and falls against him, our cold, wet skin sliding against each other. “If it doesn’t hurt me, would you doit?”
Tax’s lips quirk as he leans down into my face, his breath against my lips. “Do you want me to, Love?” Tax’s lower body brushes against mine and I inhale a sharp breath. He’s hard. It’s like a scorching pipe between my legs as he pushes my thighs apart with one of his knees and sinks himself in the valley he has created. One wide palm skims along the outside of my thigh and anchors my leg around one side of his waist as he pushes against me. “Do you want me to do this to you, Love? Do you want to feel meinside?”
I gasp. “Yes.”
“Why?” hedemands.
“Why?” My brain is fogged, the lack of clarity makes it difficult to process his words. What man gets this close to the prize and questions it? Tax. Tax is that man. Of course, he wouldbe.
“Because,” I answer between pants as I anchor my other leg around his waist and slowly reach up to undo the tie holding my top closed. “I want to feel how hot you can make me.” I let my top fall, reaching around my back to undo the other strings tied together against my spine. The top floats away, sinking beneath the surface of the water. “I want to see if you can burn me from the insideout.”
“You want me to burnyou?”
“Yes.”
His lips slam against mine, bringing the flame back to life for a split second. He pulls back. “Your wish is granted,” he whispers before taking me oncemore.
Hands skate up and down the ridges of my spine, coasting down to my curves, holding me close, squeezing me impossibly tight. No one has ever held me so tightly, with such reverence. When Tax’s lips meet mine, the hollowness inside my chest expands, filling with him. Silence erupts into noise. Slow, at first. Building. A buzzing sound – like hundreds of thousands of little wings fluttering in my ears. Little bursts of light pop up behind my eyelids. My heart races, galloping in my chest as his hands travel further down and slip my bottomsaway.
I drop my legs to allow him access and two solid, warm fingers find my core. I’m shaking, listening to the sounds of my pants in between kisses. His fingers slide deep and I clench down hard, wincing. If only the water could keep me wet rather than washing it away. I don’t want him to think that I don’t want him. He might be the only man that I’ve ever truly wanted in this way. He must have felt my wince because he pulls away and lifts meup.
I gasp as my bare ass hits the cold concrete. He spreads my legs. “Don’t worry, Lovely. I’ve gotyou.”
Tax’s head descends between my legs, both of his palms flat against my thighs, keeping them apart. He blows warm air against my pussy before slowly leaning forward, stroking his tongue up one side and down the other. My limbs tremble as one of my hands braces against the ground and the other sinks into the depths of his dark hair. The wet strands are cool to the touch as his hot mouth works to tear me apart – eradicate all mybarriers.
I want to say that it feels like becoming whole, but it doesn’t. It feels like being broken. When Tax pauses, his dark stormy eyes meet mine, it’s as though my soul comes screaming back to me. I curse and clutch at his hair harder, grinding my hips into his face. I can feel him smile against me and for some unknown reason, it makes me want to laugh. Here I am with Tax’s mouth between my legs and I want to laugh. I feel like bubbles are filling me to shattering heights. Lifting me from a dark, dark place. I don’t want to come like this. I want – I cut my gaze to his, fist his hair and yank him away fromme.
His dark turbulent gaze meets mine. “Please,” Iwhisper.
“What do youwant?”
“I want you,” I say. I just want…him. I see him completely. There’s no Danny, no Todd, no one else here withme.
Tax nods and pulls me back in, straight down. My legs wrap around his hips once more and he thrusts deep before the moment is lost. I cry out. It feels like he’s breaking every single part of me. From my bones to my blood vessels, Tax is a dangerous sun, conquering the vast lands of my body. From every hollow endless cavern to every sharpened peak, he takes them all and he shattersthem.
