Page 47 of Expressionate
He thrusts, filling me up until my vision blurs. Tears leak out of my eyes, sliding over my cheeks, mingling with our breaths as he pants above me, arms bent and straining as he holds the both of us against the pool wall. My hands slide towards his face. I cup his cheeks and bring his lips to mine, holding him firmly. If I’m going to be broken, then he istoo.
Maybe this is the way we’re supposed to be – ice and fire, burning and freezing away the world. Each of us destructive in our own way. In our ownright.
Tax pulls back and pumps forward once more, his fingers likely bruising my skin. Embers race along my spine, speeding us towards a pinnacle. When I kiss him again, I keep my eyes open. Not because I want to etch this into my memory – stab my own sins into my mind like I have before. I want to watch everything about Tax. Hold everything he does close for the rest of my life. He is the one sin that I will never regret. The one sin that will never cause me pain or hate. Being with him is being baptized in the darkness. Except this time, I’m notalone.
“Love.” When Tax whispers my name, I feel flames dancing across my numb skin, chasing away the ice. Finally, I close my eyes and I tuck my head close to his throat. I would shred my own legs and crawl for the rest of my life rather than be taken away from thismoment.
This is what it’s like. This is what feeling is. It’s fire and ice and danger and destruction. It’s the push and pull. Anger and hatred. It’s drowning and breathing. A yin and yang of immeasurable heights that can kill or give life. Nothing else can compare. It’s every dream and every nightmare I’ve ever had. It’s every story I’ve everwritten.
“I love you,” I whisper the words into his skin as he stills againstme.
Tax grips my hair and yanks my head away, shocking me when his angry, dark eyes meet mine again. “Good,” he says, “because I fucking love you too, Lovely.” He withdraws from me, my eyes widening in surprise. I never expected a return. I was prepared to give away what I never thought I could feel, for nothing. “And that means you’re mine,” he says before his hand tightens in my hair, my scalp tingling and stinging all atonce.
Crying out, I clench my legs and every other muscle in my body when his other hand leaves my waist and travels down between my legs. He rubs my clit, circling as he bites my lip and watches. The fire he kindled burns hotter, raging white and red until it consumes me. I scream as he powers into me, again andagain.
“Come on, Lovely, let me see you fly,” I hear him whisper the words like a fucking curse. And then Ido.
I raise my gaze to the sky and I can see it – wings made of fire and ice. I cry out. My body shakes against his as his own breath catches, and he releases my hair and re-grips my hips, pounding me against the wall. The water slaps onto the concrete – the only noise other than the sounds we’re making. Tax stutters to a stop, cursing low – and I realize at the same moment, he’s not wearing a condom. He can’t possibly know if I’m on birth control or not. I open my mouth as I come down from the orgasm high, but it’s too late. He rips himself away from me just before he comes. He pants against my skin, holding me like if he were to go, I might fly away. What he doesn’t know is that I don’t ever want to. I’ll love him – like I never thought I could –forever.
16
Tax
I’m completely wrecked by her. Enraptured. Stuck. Sucked in and imprisoned. As I help her out of the pool, I watch as she readjusts the bikini that I’m now wishing I had ripped when I tore it off her earlier. I want to see her naked again, completely bare to my gaze. I don’t ever want to cover her up. I’m a fucking idiot for almost not realizing it in time. No condom. Fuck. I’mstupid.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Isay.
She squeezes her hair, ringing it over her shoulder before turning and looking back at me. “About what?” she asks quietly as if she’snervous.
I pull her towards me and her face tilts up. “I didn’t think to bring acondom.”
She stares at me for a moment, the rope of her wet hair hanging over one shoulder. “I’m on birth control and I’m clean,” shesays.
“Oh.” I watch as she pulls away from me. “I’m clean too,” I assureher.
She nods, turning towards the gate. Her hand reaches for a chair and she drags it behind her. My lips quirk. She pops it close to the gate and then puts one foot on the seat. My feet eat up the distance between us until I’m standing before her. My hands grab her waist. Her eyes widen and before she can protest, I lift her up and over the gate. Then, kicking the chair away, I lift myself over once again as well. I take herhand.
Her eyes look up at me, big moons – windows into the darkest soul I’ve ever seen. But still, there’s so much passion, so much expression beyond those eyes of hers – ice never was so enticing. I can’t help myself. I lean down and let myself have her lips oncemore.
Fuck if she doesn’t feel like silk against my skin. Her taste is enigmatic – like the woman herself. Ice and fire. The fucking sweetestpain.
I walk Love back to her apartment and I can't help stealing another kiss at her door, my palm at the back of her nape. Such a fragile body. So easily fucking damaged. But it’s held up rather well for all the darkness and pain I see in her eyes. And that is true strength. The truest of allstrength.
I clench my fists as I make it back to my apartment, imagining blood on my knuckles. My strength is nothing but a sham that I shamelessly attempt to romanticize. Strength is a prison from which I must be released. And the only time I ever truly feel free is when I’m with Love. She doesn’t know it, she couldn’t possibly realize it, but she’s my key, my opendoor.
* * *
"Well, aren't you looking spiffy,"Ally giggles as she does her nails on thecouch.
I hold out my arms. "They're just clothes," Isay.
"Yeah, but those are your good jeans." She points at me with the end of her tiny nailbrush.
Rolling my eyes, I pat the top of her head as I pass her on my way to the front door. "Yeah, yeah, just don't get any ideas while we're gone,squirt."
"Aren't you going to wait for Cross and Blake?" she asks as I open thedoor.
"Nope, I'm driving over with Love." I don't miss the brilliant smile on her face as I walk out, nor do I miss her lastwords.
