Page 81 of One Winter Knight
People sang and danced, the energy festive. Carlos, Fiona, and Hale appeared and were near the front of the stage now.
My eyes flickered back over to Saoirse, who now stood by one of the speakers, watching both me and Fiona, ever the protector.
All through the meet and greet something had tickled at the back of my mind, and continued as I moved from that intoEat More Pussy,which was the song everyone always wanted to hear.
Well, one of them, then I went intoCocksucker.
Then, I allowed the idea to take route as the song finished. “Bear with me while I try something new.”
“Hey, I wanna hear that song from your sound check,” someone shouted.
“I was thinking of something entirely new,” I continued, adding in bits and pieces of music, creating something new as I went along. “This job, me being here making music for you, has also taught me a lot of things over the years. This is a song about being sorry and learning from your mistakes, because we all want to be the best version of ourselves, right?”
The crowd cheered, nodding, a few chantingBroKen, BroKen.
“We’re all people who just want to make some good in the world and be our best,” I added, continuing to build the music, watching their response, fixing things when it wasn’t quite right.
Turning my attention back to Saoirse, I begin to sing, pouring my heart out in a little rap. The beats intertwined around us, as I let her know that I appreciated her, that I heard her, that I was sorry, that I took accountability for my actions, and would do bettergoing forward. Even though I meant no harm, I’d caused it, and I acknowledged that hurt. But I also kept things short and vague so as to not embarrass her too much.
Going back-and-forth, to watch my fans, I continued to gauge their reactions. I knew there were a few things I would change if I ever did this again, but I was pretty happy with it. After finishing, I shifted intoGuacamole.Mostly because this was when Tyrell liked to throw chips at the crowd, and I knew he had some.
Finally, I started the intro forBang, Bang, Boom, because it was time to end our time together.
“I look forward to seeing you at Winter-Fest tonight. Thank you so much for coming out, Lovely Fuckers. Remember, be a Ken, not a Dick.”
I played the last song, the crowd singing along, as Kace and Tyrell threw shirts at them, Bailey livestreaming it on her phone.
When the last strains ended, the crowd cheered again. A few people asked for more.
“Sorry. Gotta get ready for tonight,” I apologized.
I chatted with a few fans, as security started getting everyone to leave. Finally, Kace grabbed me.
“Sorry, but BroKen has to get going,” Kace told them as they led me off.
“That new song was great.” Tyrell handed me a towel.
“Thanks. Bailey caught it right? Because I want to remember that.” I wiped my sweaty chest. While I’d come into the club wearing a T-shirt, that had come off before the meet and greet, since most people wanted shirtless BroKen.
Saoirse still leaned against one of the speakers. I went up to her.
“I’m so sorry for crossing a line,” I apologized. “I never ever want you to feel like I’m pushing you. I like you a lot, but I understand that I went too far. I respect that you don’t have the same feelings for me. If me staying here will make things too awkward, I can leave after my set. It’s not a problem.” They could have the villa and thecar. My moms would love to find me passed out under the tree Christmas morning.
Her blue eyes widened. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. This is your time, your show. Don’t leave. You didn’t go too far. I did. There was no need for me to yell. There was no need for me to be hurtful. I could find better ways to say what I felt, since what I said wasn’t true at all. You are not worthless. Though I meant what I said about my life not being compatible with yours.”
Her words slowly sank into my brain. Oh? She didn’t think it was my fault?
“Thank you, but I did cross the line. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have felt like you needed to shout at me, and say those things.”
Still, her sayingYou are not worthlesswas everything.
She shook her head. “I shouted because you said things I didn’t want to hear. Regardless of my visceral reaction, I really shouldn’t have yelled at you. Especially because it’s your big night; I don’t want to interrupt your process. I know if someone yelled at me like that before a big job, I probably would hit them, then shoot at something.”
“That is good to know.” I could only imagine.
Wow. Her vulnerability and how freely she spoke, took me aback. She wasn’t usually like this, and it made me very happy that she felt so comfortable with me.
I placed one arm on the speaker, leaning in next to her, not quite trapping her, but definitely getting in her space. Part of me liked being this close. The other part of me knew I was playing with fire. But I didn’t mind a little heat.
