Page 44 of The Duke on Her List
“Well, all I can say to that is that I hope you’re right,” Gabriel said. “I would be nothing but happy if this proved to be the end of everyone’s ambitions to secure a match with me, because you know full well that isn’t what I want.”
“I do,” Jonathan said. “I’m trying to tell you that I think it’s been achieved and that you can stop.”
“Unless there’s some other reason you’re allowing the courtship to go on,” Nathaniel put in.
“Some other reason like what?” Gabriel asked, frowning. There was no way his friends had seen through to what was really on his mind—they couldn’t have. They couldn’t know that he dreaded the day he and Agnes would finally have to part ways.
“Some other reason like you enjoy being in a courtship more than you thought you would,” Jonathan said. “Some reason like maybe you’re takin her seriously, even though you didn’t intend to do that.”
“I’m not taking this seriously.”
“And yet, you won’t end it.”
Gabriel scowled. He’d been more than clear with them that he was only doing this for the effect it would have on his social life, that he wasn’t interested in anything more. And especially not anything with Agnes.
He liked her. He enjoyed her company. That was as far as it went.
You sound mad. You don’t even believe the lies you’re telling yourself. You proposed marriage today. You were willing to take the risk that she might accept that proposal. And now you sit here and tell yourself that anyone who believes you genuinely want a relationship with Agnes is missing the truth of the matter. What would these two be saying right now if they knew about that proposal?
“I don’t have to end this just to prove something to the two of you,” he told his friends. “I have nothing to prove.”
“It’s not about proving anything to us,” Nathaniel said.
“Speak for yourself,” Jonathan countered. “I would like to see him prove it.”
“But he doesn’t have to. He’s right about that,” Nathaniel said. “What difference does it make if he’s fallen in love with her or not—except that, as his friends, we would like him to be aware of his own feelings? We would like him to know. That’s all it is, from where I sit.”
“I haven’t fallen in love!” Gabriel insisted. “The fact that you two keep pressing this point is ridiculous.”
“All right,” Nathaniel said. “So maybe we’re wrong.”
“Assuredly you’re wrong.”
“And maybe you’ll end your courtship with her at any moment, and we’ll look like the fools for believing you wouldn’t do it.”
“Yes, you will.”
Nathaniel nodded. “Very well. I will wait to feel foolish, in that case. But I have to tell you, Gabriel—right now, I don’t feel foolish at all. I think that Jonathan and I have the right of it, and that you’re unwilling to put an end to your courtship because you feel something you didn’t mean to. Something you never thought you would. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about it. You should accept it. It might even be a good thing, if you’re willing to allow it to be.”
Gabriel shook his head and got to his feet. “I know what’s happening here,” he said. “You two would just love to see me proven wrong about my intentions when it comes to matters of romance and marriage. You never get the opportunity to see me proven wrong about anything, and you’d like to see it.”
“I can admit to that,” Nathaniel laughed. “It would be wonderful indeed to see you have to say that you had been wrong. That you had misjudged a situation. And particularly a situation like this one, where being wrong would do you no harm and might actually prove a great boon to your life.”
“You’re assuming quite a lot.”
“I’m not assuming anything! You don’t think it would be nice for you if you had fallen in love?” Nathaniel asked. “All right, maybe you haven’t. Maybe I’m wrong about that part. But if you had, would that be such a dreadful fate for me to wish for a friend? I think you could have worse outcomes in your life than to find love, especially with such a charming and lovely person as Lady Agnes. She really is a gem.”
She was. He couldn’t fight back about that. “I don’t wish to discuss this any further,” he said firmly.
“Well, that’s no surprise,” Jonathan said.
“Is this really the reason you two came over? To admonish me about my courtship?”
“Not to admonish,” Nathaniel said. “Merely to ask. And I see that you don’t want to discuss it, so we’ll let it go for now. But I hope you consider some of the things we’ve said, Gabriel. I hope you consider the reasons you’re holding on to this courtship beyond the point where it does you any good. Neither of us can see what you’re getting out of it anymore, but we know you are not a foolish man. You must be getting something. If there’s one thing I would say to you, it’s this—find out why it is you’re so determined to stay with her, even if it’s a temporary reason. You owe yourself a real answer to that question.”
And with that, he seemed willing to finally drop the subject.
Gabriel gritted his teeth. His friends were making this more difficult than he’d dreamed they would, back in the beginning,when he had first confessed to them what he was doing with Agnes and why.
