Page 43 of The Duke on Her List
“Thank you. I’ll be right out.”
The footsteps retreated. The door closed again.
Agnes knew that she had been seen. She could only hope the butler hadn’t picked up on the tension in the room. She turned from the shelf. “I should go,” she said quietly.
“You don’t have to. If you would like to stay…”
“No. I should go.” She turned toward the door and hurried out, running quickly through the house. She left through the staff door. Whoever his guests were, she didn’t want to run into them. She wanted to avoid being seen here as much as she possibly could.
What had happened today defied belief.
He had truly been prepared to risk everything. To marry her, if that was the way things had gone. He had trusted that it wouldn’t go that way…but Agnes knew full well that there had been a few heartbeats when it almost had.
And it terrified her.
CHAPTER 20
“Idon’t understand why you’re still doing this,” Jonathan said.
Gabriel had shown both Jonathan and Nathaniel into the library, but all he could seem to think about was Agnes. This was the place she had just been standing, looking at him with awe and gratitude. The two of them had been so close to one another while she was here. For a moment, he had contemplated touching her cheek. He had even wondered what might happen if he tried to kiss her. It hadn’t seemed unfathomable, given the fact that she had been on the verge of accepting his proposal. Whatever she might say about it now, he was sure she had considered it. She’d really thought she might do it.
I must have been crazy to put her to the choice in such a real way! What if shehadsaid yes? I would have needed to follow through, of course. In that scenario, I couldn’t just laugh it off and tell her that I didn’t mean it after all. I could never do that.
He drew a breath and released it slowly, doing his best to focus on his friends. The fact of the matter was that shehadsaid no. He could never have offered her a halfhearted proposal. What she had longed for was the real thing, and he was glad he had given it to her, and he was glad she’d had the experience she’d wanted—the chance to turn it down.
He understood the appeal of knowing that you were in control of the direction of your life.
“I’m doing it because I don’t want the ladies of the ton to try to convince me to courtthem,” he explained. “You do know why I’m doing it, Jonathan.”
Jonathan shook his head. “It just doesn’t hold water, my friend.”
“Jonathan is right,” Nathaniel spoke up. “That might have made sense at the beginning, Gabriel, but how long has it been since anyone has tried to seek a match with you? People know now that they won’t be able to win your interest. It’s been established. And yet you continue the ruse. Why don’t you put a stop to it?”
“If I did that,” Gabriel said patiently, “they would all come rushing back. They would come to the conclusion that I was available once more, and they would return to seeking my attention.”
“But what can possibly be your goal?” Jonathan asked. “Do you mean to continue on this ridiculous path forever? Is it your intention to spend the remainder of your life engaged in farce?Because from what I can see you have left yourself no way out of it all.”
“There’s assuredly going to be talk when the courtship ends,” Gabriel said. “But that would be true if I ended it now or if I did so later.”
“That’s the point Jonathan is making,” Nathaniel said, leaning forward. “You’re setting yourself up for trouble either way. But you might as well put an end to things. Get through that moment. You wouldn’t have to take her all around town anymore, as you have been. You could return to your life. After all, you’re doing all this because you don’t want a courtship, and as things stand, a courtship is exactly what you have.”
“Not exactly,” Gabriel said. “This isn’t a real courtship. You realize that.”
But he was uncomfortable.
Things were more real between himself and Agnes than he could possibly have admitted to his friends. This afternoon’s proposal was all the proof one needed of that fact. They might well have ended up engaged today if things had gone slightly differently.
I knew we wouldn’t. I knew that. She might have had a moment of hesitation, but I always knew she was going to tell me no.
But was that true? Had he really known that?
Had he been certain?
He shook off the thought. Of course, he had been. He wouldn’t have asked her to marry him if he had believed she would accept. He had been trying to give her a genuine experience, that was all—and what was happening now in their courtship was no different.
He tried to explain it to his friends. “It wouldn’t seem real if I just ended things with her right here and now,” he explained. “It would be obvious that I had done the whole thing for show. I don’t want that. I want people who are paying attention to us to think that it mattered.”
“You shouldn’t want that,” Jonathan countered. “Or rather, I don’t see why you do. I don’t see why you want to worry about what they think. The point is what theydo, not what theiropinionsare, and as long as they stay away from you after this, does it matter whether they believed in your story or not? Let them avoid you because they believe you aren’t reliable. Let them avoid you because they don’t want the stain of courting a man who was rejected by a known spinster. They’ll find their reasons. This courtship is going to reduce your prospects, you know. You’re right that the more desperate among the ton will probably come rushing back to you as if they’d never left. But this is going to have a lasting impact on the people you might have previously considered to be prospects. I don’t think you’ll see them rushing back in such great numbers as you might imagine.”
