Page 89 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“It’s calledtransgender.You can say it out loud.”
“Fine.Transgender.Happy?”
Victor sucked in a deep breath.He’d had such endless patience for his family that he had so little left for anyone else.But Johnny was not the shitty strangers online feigning ignorance simply to insult him after he’d been more than accommodating.They still hadn’t really talked through any of this, but so far it seemed like Johnny was willing to learn.It wasn’t his fault Victor had certain triggers from years of being purposely misunderstood.When Victor met Johnny’s eyes, he felt the tension leave his body.Goddamn it, as stupid and stubborn and complicated as Johnny was, Victor wanted to kiss him again.
“Can you make me a promise?”Victor said softly.
“Yeah?”
“However I act, I’d really prefer you didn’t imply that it’s because I was assigned female at birth.Everyone is unique in their own way, and just because I can keep it in my pants doesn’t make me any less of a man.”
“I ain’t sayin’ it makes you less of a man,” Johnny explained.“I was just makin’ fun of men’s low standards, that’s all.”
Victor must have still looked unconvinced, because Johnny stepped forward and gripped Victor behind the neck.
“Whatever stupid shit I say and whatever parts of you I don’t get, I respect you,” Johnny insisted.“And no matter who you were as a kid, I literally can’t see you as a woman.You don’t gotta worry about me on that front.I have a terrible imagination.”
Victor scoffed and shook his head before dropping it against Johnny’s chest.“You make it really hard to be mad at you.”
“That’s what all the girls say.”
Victor wrapped his arms around Johnny’s waist and hugged him.When Johnny hugged him back, Victor wished they could just stand like this for a while.Kissing and fondling aside, it had been a while since Victor got to enjoy the very basic intimacy of a man’s embrace.He was now remembering how much he needed this.Keeping their relationship as friends-only was really going to kill him.
“Soooo… you change your mind at all about your terms yet…?”
Victor pulled away with a sigh.“I’m leaving.”
“I’mjoking.”
“Yeah, yeah, everything’s a joke to you.”Victor threw open his truck door and placed a foot on the step up into the cab.“Can you try to stay sober again or will Sarah be calling me in another week to drag your ass home?”
“I’m gonna do my best, Vic.I really am.”
Victor nodded, wondering if he should even foster a hope that he was telling the truth.“I believe in you.The question is whether you do, too.”
* * *
“You okay?”
Victor looked up from his desk, where he’d been sitting with his head in his hands.Jade stood near the doorway into his office, eyebrows lifted.
“Just got off the phone with insurance.”
“Oh, fun.”
“Love getting calls from them so they can tell me whatever other pointless bullshit I need to do so I don’t get sued.”He let out a long weary sigh and then spun his chair to fully face her.“Is there something I can help you with?”
“I forget why I stopped by.”Jade paused a second, thinking.Then she brightened.“Oh!I remember.Cyclone threw another shoe.”
“What?I just had those put on two weeks ago!”
Jade shrugged.“He’s wily.”
Jade moved on, and Victor was about to hoist himself out of his chair when his phone rang again.Skyler’s picture flashed across the screen, so Victor was quick to pick up.
“Hey, how’s it going?”Victor asked.
“I could have texted you but I wanted to talk to you in person and tell you the good news.”
