Page 63 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“The past is dwelling on you, by the looks of your house.”
“Don’t fuck with me.”
“I’m trying tohelp.Who else is standing on this road with you?Who else is putting you up at their place and helping you clean out your house?Who else has gone this far and done so much for you?What else can I say to prove to you that you can trust me?”
“It ain’t a matter of trust.It’s a matter of not wantin’ to talk about it.”
Victor stood there a moment staring at him, waiting for him to change his mind.When all he did was thrust his chin out, Victor’s body tightened with a swell of rage.After all he’d done for Johnny, Johnny still wouldn’t stop fighting him.First he turned down Victor’s romantic advances.Now it seemed he didn’t even want the platonic ones.
“Fine,” Victor muttered.“Walk, for all I care.”He turned on a heel and marched back to the truck.He had just passed the headlight when someone fisted the back of his shirt, whipped him around, and pushed him up against the body of the truck.Johnny’s shadow loomed over him, his pointer finger nearly jabbing him in the eye.
“You really know how to fuckin’ test me, you know that?”Johnny snapped.“You fuckin’ son of a bitch.”
“If you’re going to punch me, then do it,” Victor replied, voice eerily calm.
Johnny grabbed his shirt with both hands, as if considering throwing Victor to the ground.Instead they both stood there for a solid five seconds, breathing hard and glaring at each other.Just when Victor considered shoving him back and finishing his journey to the truck, Johnny yanked him into a hug so strong that Victor’s nose twisted painfully under the force of Johnny’s shoulder against it.Once he was able to tip his face at a more convenient angle, he patted and rubbed Johnny firmly between the shoulder blades in a rhythm he hoped was comforting.A second later, he felt a sob rattle through Johnny’s frame, and soon Johnny went so limp that Victor became the only reason he was still standing.
“It’s okay, buddy,” Victor said, still rubbing with one hand while he gripped the back of Johnny’s neck with the other.“I got you.”
Johnny’s crying turned louder and deeper, and Victor clung on, murmuring soft comfort and holding him the way his father did when Victor went to him sobbing after his first fight with Diego at sixteen.
Down the road, a pair of headlights pierced the darkness.Johnny threw himself away from Victor and staggered to the other side of the car, crouching down in a drainage ditch.The car passed, and after it faded into darkness, Victor followed Johnny to where he sat with his back against a tire, rubbing an arm under his nose.Victor sat down next to him, and for the next few minutes, they existed in silence, broken only by Johnny’s sniffling.Victor rose once to lean into the passenger side of the truck and grab some napkins out of the glove compartment.These he gave to Johnny before sitting again.
“Thanks,” Johnny muttered, dabbing his face and blowing his nose.After using the napkins, he wadded them up into a ball and shoved them into the breast pocket of his shirt.“A nice night to lose my shit.”
“You’ve been through a lot today.”
“Yeah.”Johnny removed his hat and ran his fingers through his hair.“I really want a fuckin’ drink.”He put his hat back on and dropped his head back against the truck before turning to Victor.“You’re the most stubborn piece of shit I’ve ever known.”
“Takes one to know one,” Victor replied, nudging Johnny’s shoulder with his.Johnny smiled weakly.
“If you really gotta know the whole story, it ain’t all that much.I left home at sixteen.My daddy had this friend named Chuck, some guy he knew in the business.Chuck seemed much nicer than my daddy, so Kayla and I liked him.He took us out to pizza and shit sometimes.Well, once I left it was just Kayla, and Chuck moved in on her when she was sixteen, groomed her into some fucked up affair with him.Got her knocked up.”
“You’re—Christ.Are you serious?”
“Yeah.Anyway, my sister wanted an abortion, but she was just a poor underage kid in the Bible belt, ain’t no way she was going to be able to get one.When my daddy found out, he went over to Chuck’s with his Winchester rifle and threatened to kill him.But Chuck shot him first.”
Victor stared in shock.“Holy shit.”
“Chuck argued it was self-defense, but Chuck had a string of previous arrests for assault and public drunkenness or whatever, so they got him on manslaughter charges.”
“Wait.Your sister got pregnant at sixteen.That means…”
“Chuck is Taylor’s daddy, yeah.”
“Oh my God.Jesus.”
“Kayla would never admit it, but I think it’s why she’s so hard on Taylor and why she prefers the other kids over her.She wanted the others, or at least she loved the men who fathered them.Taylor has always been a source of pain for her.But it ain’t Taylor’s fault how she came into this world, so I’ve done what I can to look after her, you know?”
“Why’d you leave at sixteen?”
Johnny stared into the darkness, his knee jiggling.“My daddy was a drunk with a temper hotter than hell.When he gave you a lickin’, you felt it for days, and the older he got, the worse he became.I really thought he might kill me, and my presence seemed to make it worse for Mama and Kayla.So I left.Bought a piece of shit car with whatever I had and started travelin’ with the rodeo, whatever got me far away from this place.”
“I don’t think Kayla can blame you for leaving.”
“She’s right, though.I shoulda come back for her.Shoulda found a way to bring her with me, or somethin’.I left her to the wolves.”A muscle in Johnny’s jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth.“But I was young and stupid.I didn’t think I could do it.I foolishly thought she’d be safer at home, since Daddy didn’t seem to hate her like he hated me.I wanted her to finish school and make somethin’ of herself.”He sighed.“So much for that.”
“I mean…” Victor wasn’t sure if he should comment, but he felt compelled.“You were sixteen and on the road.That’s no place for a twelve-year-old to be, Johnny.In fact, I think it’d be illegal.There’s no way you could have brought her with you.”
