Page 64 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“When she was older, maybe.”
“I think you’re being unnecessarily hard on yourself.”
“I shoulda done somethin’.I didn’t even know she was pregnant until Mama called to tell me about my daddy gettin’ shot.No one told me anythin’.”
Victor stared off into the darkness, still trying to process all he’d been told.Johnny made it all sound casual, but beneath his tone was a whole lot of pain, and his house was how it all manifested—shamefully tucked away from the world, confined to the boundaries of what Johnny could control.
“You were a kid trying to stay alive, and I don’t think anyone can blame you for that,” Victor said.
“My sister can.”
“No one can control what your sister thinks, but you shouldn’t blame yourself.”
Johnny didn’t appear particularly comforted.Victor squeezed his own knees to keep himself from reaching out and touching him.Now was not the time to fantasize about kissing someone, but it was hard not to when Johnny looked so hurt and lost.
There was a long silence between them as Victor tried to think up what to do next.It was getting pretty cold now, cold enough that Victor’s light jacket wasn’t holding up as it had a few hours ago.Just before he stood up and called it a night, Johnny spoke.
“You still mad at me about the whole… friends with benefits thing?”
“Seriously?That’s the question you’re asking menow?After all that happened today?”
“Normally I wouldn’t wanna talk about it, but I found somethin’ I wanna talk about less, so yeah.”
Victor snorted, then laughed, followed by Johnny a second later.
“All this has made me less mad at you, I’ll admit,” Victor replied.
“Oh, good.Now I know how to make you less mad at me, just trot out some sob story ‘bout my dad.”
Victor sighed, sliding his hands into the sleeves of his jacket to keep them warm.“You’ll run out of sob stories eventually.”
“I make you mad that often?”
“I’d call it morecrazythan mad.”
“Crazy is good sometimes, eh?”Johnny laughed and knocked his knee against Victor’s, sending a thrill from tail to sternum.Victor felt his face heat up and was happy for the dark to hide it.
“Some of us aren’t as into crazy as you are.”
Johnny laughed again.“Guilty, as charged.”He tipped his hat at Victor, then swatted Victor in the chest with a hand.“Alright, let’s get goin’.I’m tired as hell and need to be well rested for the clean up tomorrow.”
He jumped to his feet, already reaching for the passenger side door.Victor took a moment to catch his breath, then stood as well and rounded the truck to the driver’s side.Sleep sounded like a good prospect after this emotional rollercoaster of a day.
CHAPTER 18
The next day, Johnny had two shifts to work, but his sister had changed her mind regarding her refusal to help clean the trailer, so with Johnny’s blessing, Victor headed out to Johnny’s place to meet Kayla the next morning.She looked twitchy and irritated, but she had very little to say, and they got straight to work after exchanging brief pleasantries.After a few hours, the place was cleared of trash, but the bigger obstacle ahead was the deep cleaning it desperately needed.Instead of jumping right into that, they ordered a pizza and sat on the porch in the cold to eat it because Kayla didn’t want to eat it in a dirty kitchen.Victor couldn’t blame her.
“You must be real good friends with Johnny to be doin’ all this for ‘im,” Kayla said after a long and pregnant silence.
“It’s what friends do.”
“He’s my brother and I wanna tell ‘im to take a hike.”
“Well…” Victor wasn’t sure how to follow up that comment, so he just let it hang for a moment.“My relationship with my brother is complicated, too.I get it.”
“Your brother abandon your family to ride rodeo?”
“No, but he’s about to get married and I don’t think he’s cooked anything more complicated than a hot dog.”
