Page 103 of The Only Seconds that Matter
“Right.Uh.Well.I’m gay.”
Sarah smirked as she slurped down some soda.“Must be rough living around here with all these chucklefuck rednecks, huh?My sister couldn’t take it; she lives in Texas now and only visits occasionally.You know it’s bad when Texas feels like a more supportive place.I’m wondering what kinda gay dudes are around here.”
“The options are not great.”
“Damn.I guess I’ll keep an eye out.I got a big family.One of ‘ems gotta be gay.”
“He don’t need you matchmakin’ for ‘im,” Johnny protested with a hint of ire.
“Well I ain’t matchmaking foryou.You only date tarts like Daisy who got big tits and no conscience.”Sarah straightened so she could unbutton the front of her flannel shirt, exposing the white tank top underneath.“You’ve always had shit taste.Remember that girl Savannah telling me at dinner that I should eat more salads if I cared about my health?Fuck that skinny bitch.She was a damn alcoholic, and yet she wanted to lecture me about how much pizza I ate.I’m glad she didn’t last.”
“I don’t remember that happenin’.”
“Cuz you were drunk.”
Johnny’s irritation faded, replaced by a hint of shame.“Oh.”
“Yeah.Oh.”Sarah shook her head, then turned to Victor again.“I’m glad you keep Johnny outta trouble,andyou don’t condescend me about my weight.Maybe you two should date, I dunno.Might solve both your problems.”At this, she lifted an eyebrow at Victor.This wasn’t the first time she’d insinuated as much.Considering it had been two weeks since Johnny had chickened out on telling Jade, Victor now desperately wanted Johnny to tell Sarah instead.She was his best friend, and she was clearly supportive.What was keeping him silent?
The resulting quiet at her insinuation made it all the more obvious she was on to something, but when Victor looked at Johnny, he was staring at his lap, frowning.
“Well, Johnny?”Sarah prodded, crossing her legs as she turned to face Johnny.“Whataya think of my solution?It means he ain’t so lonely and you get someone to look after your scrawny ass.”
“I can look after my own scrawny ass,” Johnny muttered, but not before shooting Victor a look that seemed to be a plea for forgiveness.But Victor had no forgiveness in his heart right now.He held Johnny’s gaze in what he hoped was an obvious request that Johnny summon some goddamn bravery and come out.Instead of doing that, he stood up and adjusted his pants.“I’m gonna take a piss in the woods.”
“There’s a bathroom in the damn house, you animal.”
“I ain’t goin’ in there.Your uncle’ll probably shoot me.”
Sarah cackled, so it had to have a hint of truth.Johnny marched off with purpose, vanishing behind a rusted out truck and a couple of piles of detritus covered in tarps.
“He’s so fuckin’ frustrating sometimes,” Sarah muttered as she yanked a cigarette from the pack she carried in her back pocket and stuck it in her mouth.“He’s his daddy’s son alright.Proudest sonuvabitch you ever met.”She paused before glancing at Victor.“You should go talk some sense into him.”
With a sigh, Victor pushed himself out of the lawn chair and followed Johnny’s path through the junk-filled backyard.He found him standing past the treeline with his back to Victor, and he must have heard Victor’s approach, because Johnny quickly zipped up and turned to face him.
“What you want now?”Johnny snapped.
“Why can’t you just tell Sarah the truth?”
“Cuz she don’t gotta be in my business.”
Victor frowned.“You’re so full of shit.She’s clearly been inallyour business, considering she’s met every single one of your exes.She alreadyknows, Johnny.She’s not an idiot.”
“You tell her?”Johnny asked, lips thin and eyes flashing with panic.
“No.I don’t have to.You went to the damn gay rodeo with her, Johnny.We hang out all the time.It doesn’t take a genius to put the pieces together.”
“You and I hung out lots before we did anything.Sheaskedme to go to the rodeo.It wasn’t like I volunteered.”
“Why can’t you justtell her?What’s holding you back?Would it be so terrible if she knew?”
Johnny stood there with his arms crossed and a muscle in his jaw twitching for a few seconds, glaring off into the distance.Victor didn’t understand his resistance; Victor had felt so relieved after finding out how cool Skyler was with the transgender thing.It had been a huge weight lifted.Didn’t Johnny want that?
“You’re scared,” Victor blurted.
“I ain’t scared.”
“You are.”
