Page 104 of The Only Seconds that Matter
Johnny’s mouth tightened, and he wouldn’t meet Victor’s eyes.“I keep thinkin’ about what my daddy would say.”
“Your dad is dead.”
“He’s still in my head.”
“And by doing the same thing you’ve always done, he’s not going to leave.You gotta try something different.”Victor closed the distance between them and held out a hand he willed Johnny to take.Johnny stared at it like he’d never seen it before.“It’s okay if you’re frightened.I’ve got your back.”
Johnny swallowed a few times before tentatively reaching out and taking Victor’s hand.He squeezed it before yanking Victor into a one-armed embrace.
“You fuckin’ drive me crazy sometimes,” Johnny muttered into Victor’s hair.
“The feeling is mutual.”
Johnny snorted before pulling away and releasing Victor’s hand.“Alright.I’m gonna do it.”He swiveled his head on his neck and shook out the tension from his arms.Then he strode off, forcing Victor to trot after him to catch up.Johnny charged into the firepit clearing like a bull with a purpose, pulling up just short of the sawed-off trashcan where the fire was burning down to embers.
“Sarah,” he began with a puffed up chest.But then he deflated slightly as he slumped and fell silent.“Uh.”
“Yeah?”Sarah took a long toke of her cigarette and watched him with expectant eyes.
“I am bisexual,” Johnny forced out much louder than it probably needed to be.
Sarah had no reaction to the news beyond a slow smile.“Damn, took you long enough.”
“You already knew?”
“I’ve always wondered since high school.You remember that senior Logan you were obsessed about?You were always talkin’ about fuckin’ Logan like he was your boyfriend, and at most you hung out like five times.”
“Logan?”Johnny paused to think.“Oh right, that guy.”
“I think he’s in jail now for armed robbery.”She shrugged.“Smoked too much meth.”
“I haven’t thought about him in a long time.”
Sarah snickered and kicked the leg of the nearby lawn chair with a foot.“Sit your ass down.I got some questions.”
Johnny collapsed into a chair like a puppet with cut strings.Victor also sat, trying to keep a smile at bay.
“How long have you known you’re bi?”Sarah asked.
“Since puberty, I guess.”
“And you ain’t ever tell me?”
“My daddy called me a faggot like once a week, so no.”
Sarah’s smile faded and her face looked pinched with disgust as she sucked on her cigarette again.“So what about after you left home?What then?You do anythin’ with anybody?”
“Here and there,” Johnny muttered.He might have felt Victor looking at him, because their eyes briefly met before Johnny hunched his shoulders.Victor wanted him to tell Sarah the truth about the sex work, but he couldn’t force him.“Discreetly, of course.One and dones, that sorta thing.”
“Just one and dones?”Sarah raised an eyebrow as her gaze turned to Victor.
“Well, there’s Victor I guess.”
“Youguess?Jesus Christ, man, get your shit together.I already yelled at one of you for pussyfooting around.He’s either your man or he ain’t.”
Johnny’s whole face turned red as it often did before he sputtered out, “I was gettin’ to that!Victor and I are… well.”He stopped, blinking rapidly for a moment as he tried to find the words.“We’re together.There.Does that satisfy you?”
Sarah’s smile turned smug before she flicked her cigarette to the ground and stomped on it with her sneaker.“You’re such a fuckin’man.It’s cute.”She leaned toward Johnny.“You can sayboyfriendyou know.It won’t kill ya.”
