Page 69 of Untamed
Walker isn’t prone to any sort of strong reactions at all. He’s about as cool, calm, and collected as it gets. Almost to a fault. I might pay money to see something finally get him riled up. Just to see what happens.
“I think he’s overwhelmed.” She sighs, reaching up to brush a stray bit of sawdust off the shoulder of my shirt. “And scared to hire anyone to help because of what happened with the last guy.”
“Yeah. It was kinda crazy.” I don’t like thinking about dead Dan or what he attempted. Don’t like the way I struggle to breathe thinking about what could have happened.
Who I could have lost.
“Hey.” Ruth steps closer, eyes filled with concern as they move over my face. She rests one hand in the center of my chest, the warmth of her palm sinking through the cotton of my shirt. “It’s okay.”
I don’t know why, but the room starts to feel like it’s too small. Which is crazy because this place is huge. I know the walls aren’t closing in on me, but fuck it feels like they are.
“Come on.” Ruth grips my hand tight, tugging me along as I fight for air.
I barely register walking into my office, able to do little more than follow Ruth’s directions as she urges me to sit, my body sinking heavily into the sofa.
“Head between your knees.” She gently pushes me forward, one hand sliding up and down my back. “Deep breaths.”
“I can’t breathe.” I struggle between pants to get the words out.
“Yes, you can.” Ruth’s voice is steady and firm. “I promise.” Her touch is like an anchor as it continues smoothing a soothing path along my spine. “Everything is okay.” Her voice issoft in my ear, the scent of her filling my nose. “Everyone is okay.”
Everyone is okay. My family is safe.
For now.
After the explosion, I couldn’t sleep for weeks. Eventually, I managed to shove everything away, packing it up the same way I did after Kara died. But then Tobias and Walker were in that wreck. Hit by someone we still haven’t been able to identify, for reasons we still can’t explain.
And the nightmares started again. The dreams where everyone I love is taken from me.
I worked so hard to spare myself the kind of pain Titus suffered, completely ignoring all the other vulnerable spots I carry. I felt safe. In control. Confident I would never have to face a loss like Kara’s again.
I’m a fucking dumbass.
Because no matter what I do, Iwillface that loss. And as the baby of the family, I’ll likely face it over and over and over again.
“Tucker.” Ruth’s voice is so far away. It echoes through my brain like a chant. Soft and sweet.
“Tucker.” This time her voice isn’t soft. It isn’t sweet. It’s sharp and strong. Loud enough to surprise me into gasping a lungful of air into my chest as I’m shoved upright.
A soothing weight pushes down on my legs and warms my chest. It squeezes my shoulders and cradles my head. Gives me something to latch onto when everything else is trying to slip away.
I grip tight, afraid I’ll lose it too. Scared it will leave me on my own while all the things that haunt me are on the loose. It’s like I’m fourteen years old again, huddled on the bathroom floor, locked in a spiral of panic and fear I don’t know how to get out of.
Except this time, I’m not alone.
This time a sweet voice works its way through the haze, weaving through the clouds of despair. Calling to me like a siren.
Only this siren isn’t intent on my destruction. She’s offering salvation.
“It’s okay.” The reassurance is barely a whisper. “Just breathe.”
I squeeze tighter, holding on as I fight for the breath she told me to take, pulling in air that smells sweetly familiar. Floral and dusky. It’s so good, I drag it into my lungs again, hoping it can crowd out the demons I can’t seem to conquer.
“That’s it.” Something scrapes gently across my scalp, soothing me even more. “Good boy.”
The minutes pass. Me barely breathing as the world around me comes back into focus. The couch I’m sitting on. The office around me.
Ruth’s soft body straddling my lap as she cradles my head against her plush breasts, fingers in my hair, voice in my ear.
