Page 31 of Hate To Want You
“It means her kidneys are under stress,” I explain. Glancing at the printout Heidi has, I scan the numbers. “It’s not too high, so we don’t need to wake her for anything right now. We’ll see what the numbers are after the retest. In the meantime, let’s also monitor her fluid intake.” I place what I hope is a reassuring hand on Maya’s shoulder. “This is not necessarily a significant problem. Try to get some rest, and we can reassess in the morning.”
Maya takes in a deep breath and nods. “Okay.” She looks up at me and then back to Heidi. “I’m really happy to see you back here, Heidi. You and Dr. Donnelly make a great team.”
Logically, I know Maya means a team of doctors, nothing more. But that doesn’t stop the tightening in my stomach. I give her a stiff smile and turn to leave. I need some space.
But Heidi falls into step beside me. Of course. The scent of her shampoo brings back the memory of feeling her in my arms. Was that really only an hour ago? Our path down to the doctor’s lounges is silent. We reach the residents’ lounge first and come to a stop.
“I should see if there’s a bed available now.”
She speaks softly, and there’s an unspoken question in her words. A dangerous question, so I don’t answer it. “Yeah.”
She pushes open the door, and the room is empty. I shouldn’t feel disappointed by that.
I shouldn’t.
“Are we going to check on her once more before morning?” Heidi asks, her eyes hopeful. For what? I don’t want to know. This is all feeling too much. My attraction to her, it obviously being reciprocated, how close we came to crossing a line earlier tonight, and the fact that Heidi seems eager to cross it again.
“I’ll go up again. You can sleep.” The words come out harsher than I intend them to, and I close my eyes when I see the flash of hurt cross her face. “What I mean is, there’s no need for us both to be disturbed. I can do the next check and call you if there’s anything urgent.”
“Okay.” Heidi steps inside the residents’ lounge, then stops, turning back to me. “Max,” she starts hesitantly. “I hope I’m not speaking out of turn, but I appreciate you opening up to me like you did earlier. And I truly don’t feel anything inappropriate happened, and I don’t regret anything.” Her hands twist together, at odds with the strength in her voice. “What I’m saying is, I would very much appreciate if we were able to not let what happened affect how we work together.”
“Nothing happened,” I say gruffly.
“Right.”
“But it almost did,” I continue, my mouth spewing words before my brain can catch up to whether it’s smart or not. “And that would have been highly inappropriate. We’re not just colleagues, Heidi. I am your superior. Something like…whatever happened earlier…could be perceived as more than it was. Could land one or both of us in trouble, and compromise not only our careers, but our integrity.”
It’s bullshit, all of it. I know it and I’m pretty damn sure she knows it. But I need to regain control. I need to rebuild the walls that keep me safe. I can’t let myself be vulnerable to someone, anyone, ever again.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Heidi mutters before pulling me into the residents’ lounge and locking the door.
“What the hell are you doing,” I bark out, backing away. She stands in front of me, her hands on her hips. Not that fluorescent lights could ever be called romantic, but from this angle, the lights hit her hair and make it look on fire.
“Nothing, Max. I’m doing nothing. But you, apparently, are beating yourself up for falling asleep. That’s all we did. We fell asleep.”
God, she’s incredible when she’s fired up like this. Her eyes sparking with ire, her luscious tits heaving under her scrub top.
Fuck. No. Stop thinking about her breasts. Of course, that self-reprimand only makes my eyes drop to them again.
“Eyes up here, Donnelly,” she says, sarcasm lacing her prim tone. My head snaps up and for the first time in years, I feel heat covering my cheeks at being caught.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
I arch my brow. “You just caught me checking you out.”
Her braid falls off her shoulder as she tilts her head. “Maybe I liked it.”
My hand scrubs over my face as I groan. “Heidi.”
“Max.”
Fucking hell, when did she become an impertinent brat? Where’s the quiet, kindhearted nurse? Or the calm, collected, confident doctor?
“Max.” She steps closer. I can’t go anywhere with the door at my back. “I’m attracted to you, Max, but I respect that you don’t want to cross any boundaries with me. I admire your ethics and your commitment to your job. I’m not trying to cause trouble, but I do want you to stop carrying any guilt over tonight or anything over the last few weeks. Because there are two of us in this…” She pauses, pursing her lips. I want to bite those lips. “Relationship is the wrong word. Dynamic? Sure, dynamic. There’s two of us in this dynamic. You’re not the only one responsible for making sure we keep things appropriate and professional. Or not.”
Jesus, fuck, what am I meant to say tothat?
