Page 30 of Hate To Want You
Damn it, now the man has ruined any chance I could hope to have of sleeping on one of these beds without thinking of him.
My arms drop back down to my sides, and I spin around to face the door. And in doing so, I catch Max staring at me. He looks away immediately, but not before I see something sparking in those deep blue eyes.
There’s no denying a shift has happened in our dynamic. And falling asleep all tangled up in each other has made that shift even more pronounced.
I just wish I knew what to do about it.
Chapter fourteen
Max
I allow myself to wallow in equal parts guilt and satisfaction, but only until we hit the pediatric ward.
I knew sharing that goddamn on-call room bed was a mistake. I knew my self-control would shatter when my conscious mind, the only part of me with any semblance of sanity, apparently, went to sleep.
What I didn’t expect was for it to feel so fucking right to have her in my arms. To wake up with her hair tickling my chin, her hand holding mine tightly against her body, and her soft sighs of contentment.
That sense of rightness lasted up until I came fully awake. Then the impact of what transpired between us hit me with the force of a ten-tonne truck.
I slept with my resident. Yeah, fine, we literally only slept, but still.
My baser desires took over, and I can’t bring myself to fully regret it. Hence, the guilt.
“I’m going to check Teagan’s overnight reports,” Heidi says when we reach the double doors that lead to the pediatric ward. I can’t mistake the fact that her voice sounds softer now, more intimate. All I can do is hope no one else notices.
I incline my head, and we split, her to the desk and Teagan’s chart, and me to the coffee pot that’s always brewing overnight. It’s only when I find myself pouring a second cup and adding the amount of milk I’ve seen Heidi add to hers that I realize she’s found her way past my defenses. Even deeper than I anticipated.
I suppose it’s to be expected; we shared parts of our past last night, secrets that bonded us. But this also means Heidi is even more of a risk for me than before.
As inappropriate as my hatred of her was, especially since it was based on misunderstandings and incorrect assumptions, it kept me safe. Because that anger masked my undeniable attraction to her.
And now that I know how she feels in my arms, I don’t think I can resist her anymore.
Now, she could break me.
We complete our check on Teagan, and her sigh of relief echoes my own when we see her maintaining her oxygen levels and that she’s now fever free. She’s not out of the woods completely, but for tonight, we can rest more easily.
“Let’s continue the nebs and antibiotics for another twenty-four hours, but I’m happy she’s responded quickly,” I say quietly to Teagan’s mom as we stand in the doorway to her room.
“Thank you, Dr. Donnelly,” she replies, tears shining in her eyes. “We’re going to need to adjust her home regime, aren’t we?”
I weigh my words carefully. “I’m not her respirologist, Maya, but I suspect so.”
“I should probably pull her from school. But she’s so happy being around other kids. I hate taking that piece of normalcy away from her.”
The heartbreak is evident in her words. I can’t begin to imagine the pain she has lived with, knowing her daughter will die from a genetic illness that no one can control.
“Dr. Donnelly.”
Heidi’s voice washes over me like a wave of warmth. Her hand on my bicep sears me.
“I’ve got the latest lab results from earlier this evening. Her white count is lower. But there’s something else.”
Her eyes dart to Maya, then back to me. We don’t keep important information from families, but we do proceed with caution with how we share it. Something tells me what Heidi is about to say might be hard for Maya to hear.
“Her creatinine is elevated. I was surprised by that, so I’ve already called the lab to ask them to repeat it, but I wanted you to know.”
“What does that mean?” Maya turns to me, folding her arms across her chest, as if she can somehow protect herself from bad news. Her eyes dart over to Teagan, who’s sleeping fitfully.
