Page 50 of Truth and Temptation
“You’re right, I don’t. Maybe before, I would have understood. Why open yourself up to pain if you don’t have to? I might have questioned if it was worth it. But you changed that. You changed me. You showed me that love is worth it. You made me love you.”
“Fuck. Don’t say shit like that.” I barely manage to hold back from yelling at her. “You don’t mean it, you said yourself you’re not meant for romantic love. So how could you possibly love me?”
My words have the desired effect, despite the complete lie that they are. Paige’s gasp has me closing my eyes against the self-hatred I feel at causing her pain.
“You’re right. I fell in love with a lie, didn’t I? Why is that, Wyatt? I let you in. I showed you my true self and you, you lied about everything. Your name, why you were here, was any of what we had true?” She ends on a sob and it just about breaks me. I want to tell her that it was all true. Everything I said and felt was true, or at least I wanted it to be. But then my mind flashes to seeing her on that stretcher in the ER.
“You should go, Paige,” I say woodenly. “There’s nothing here for you.” I turn my back and wait to hear the door slam behind her. But it doesn’t.
“You’re right. There’s nothing here except a man who can’t admit he’s scared. A man who would rather live alone than allow someone to love him. A man who would rather live a lie than take any real risks.”
My eyes close against the attack of her words. Every single one is the goddamn truth. But I am paralyzed by that truth.
Finally, the door closes and I’m alone again.
The way it should be.
The way it always will be.
Chapter twenty-two
Paige
After I leave Wyatt’s house, I find myself at a complete loss as to what to do. When I saw him drive past Pages, my heart leapt. Foolishly, I believed he was here to explain everything, to ask for forgiveness. Those hopes were dashed as soon as he spoke.
Despite the agonizing pain I am currently experiencing, I do not believe Wyatt meant most of what he said. He lashed out from his own pain and pushed me away in a desperate attempt to protect himself.
After speaking with his parents, I understand his likely reason for leaving. Do I agree with it? Absolutely not. Asthma is not cancer. It is not a death sentence. Yes, mine has been uncontrolled as of late, but an adjustment in my regular medications should fix that.
What I still struggle to comprehend is the lies he told me. Why wasn’t he simply honest about who he was and why he was in town? I’m not an idiot, I quickly pieced together that he must have been here for the opening of the Westmount store. How foolish do I feel now, recalling seeing him at the store and the furtive glances he made around the room. He was looking to see if someone would reveal his true identity. All the times he avoided giving complete answers about himself, the lack of any concrete details of his plans, it all makes sense now. The question is, why?
That question has gone around in my head at least a hundred times in the past hour. I drove around town, eventually ending up at Oceanside Beachfront Resort. Summer has turned this place around, but with it being November, there are only a few of the cabins booked, judging by the vehicles I see parked outside. Opening my door, I step out into the cold, damp air. I get Polly out of the backseat, and after I clip on her leash, I set her down. She instantly starts sniffing around, exploring the area.
“Paige? Hey! What are you doing here?” Summer walks out of the office building, wrapping her coat around her body. She stoops down and gives Polly some attention before straightening and looking at me. “How are you?”
“Not good,” I reply, swallowing against the tears that are, again, threatening to fall.
Summer tucks her arm in mine and pulls me toward the door she just came out of. “Okay. Let’s make some tea.”
A short while later, we’re both seated on the small couch in Summer’s office, sipping jasmine tea. This is why I ended up here. Of all my friends, Summer is, by far, the most calm and steady one. From the moment she returned to Dogwood Cove, I knew I had a kindred spirit in seeking calm and quiet moments to process life.
“Wyatt came back to town today,” I say, keeping my eyes fixated on the pale liquid in my mug. “Not to stay, just to get his things.”
“Did he say anything about why he disappeared?”
I shake my head. We sip our tea in silence for a minute as I try to make sense of everything in my mind.
“I know he was scared by my getting sick. I can fully acknowledge how that event would be triggering for him, given his experience of losing his brother. But…”
“But you wish his feelings for you were strong enough to overcome his fear?”
“Precisely.”
Somehow, I let Summer convince me to go back to her and Ethan’s house where Mila, Serena, and Ashley were waiting. Abby had to stay at the farm with her daughter Layla, and the men of our group were conspicuous in their absence. I am familiar with what my friends intend for tonight. Whenever one of them reached a difficult point in their relationships, we came together to support them in whatever way they needed.
The problem is, I am unable to identify what it is that would make me feel better in this situation. I’ve never fallen in love, much less had my heart broken. The pain I am feeling is as unfamiliar to me as the sheer ecstasy of an orgasm once was.
“What if I never have an orgasm again,” I blurt out, courtesy of the bottle of wine Mila has systematically emptied into my glass over the past hour and a half.
