Page 158 of Bone Deep
I stare at her. Offended. Defensive. Uncomfortable. All at once.
“Was it stupid?” she asks. “Yes.”
“Thank you. The timing was awful.”
“Exactly.” She smirks. “But I promise you that once this blows over, Ryan will be pissing his pants laughing when he hears about that shirt.”
I roll my eyes. Fold my arms. Lean back.
Jen rolls her eyes right back. “But I don't need to tell you that.”
Damn her. She's right—Ryan would definitely find it hilarious. Probably would have if he were here just now. Probably would have ordered ten more.
Jen points at me. “There it is.”
“There what is?”
“The face that says you know I'm right.”
I glare, but she remains entirely unbothered. “You can sit there with your arms folded like a petulant child all you want,” she says, “but we both know what this is about.”
My pulse picks up a few beats. I stand and walk around my desk. Plant myself in front of her. “Oh, we do?”
Jen rises to her feet. Looks me dead in the eye. “It's about time somebody called you on your shit, Stark.”
I stiffen. She doesn't care. “You act like you don't need anyone.” Her voice isn't cruel. It's worse. It's honest. “You've built a silo around yourself.”
I look away. “No—”
“Yes.” Her voice sharpens. “I'll hand it to you. You've done pretty damn well on your own.” She crosses her arms. “You've also done a fantastic job making sure nobody gets inside.”
“Jen—”
“Hell, I've barely managed to peer through the damn window.” Then her expression softens. “But Ryan?” My heart immediately stumbles. She smiles. Small. Knowing. “Ryan walked right through the front door, and burrowed himself…” Before I can react, she steps forward. Presses her finger against my chest. Right between my pecs. “…righthere.”
I stare at her. Nostrils flaring. Jaw clenched.
“What are you saying, Jen?”
Her hand flattens against my chest. Directly over my heart. And her voice softens. “You, my friend, are in love with him.” She pats my chest. “And it scares the living hell out of you.”
My eyes close. The room disappears. The office. The city. The noise. Everything. All that's left is the truth that’s been thrown in my face twice now in less than twenty-four hours. It’s raw and undeniable. And suddenly I can't hold it back anymore.
Tears slip down my face. Silent. Steady. Jen gently wipes one away. I laugh once. Broken.
“I know that I’m in love with him.” The words tear themselves out of me. “What if I hurt him, Jen?” I shake my head. “I don't know how to do this.” My voice cracks. “I'll never forgive myself.”
Jen's face immediately softens. She pats my cheek. “The fact that your first thought wasn't 'What if he hurts me?' tells me everything I need to know.”
My eyes squeeze shut. “Why does everyone keep saying the same things to me?”
She rubs my arm. “Because it’s the truth. And because you’re hard-headed.” Her voice gentles. “Isn't it time you stopped punishing everyone who tries to care about you in the present…for people’s actions from the past?” I swipe tears from my eyes. “Actually,” she says, “stop punishingyourself.”
The words hit squarely where she intended. “Everybody has a past, Spence. Everybody has scars. Everybody hurts.” She reaches up and squeezes my shoulders. “I've let you get away with yourself for too long, my friend.” She smiles sadly. “But now you've got the brightest ray of sunshine I've ever met trying to beam his dopey brand of caring directly at you.”
A watery laugh escapes me—because that is Ryan.
Exactly Ryan.
