Page 42 of The Girl He Loves
“Oh, I get like that too. I can be kind of anal… my employees hate that about me.”
I smile, thinking that it might be impossible to hate anything about him. “Are you a tough boss?” I tease. “A disciplinarian?”
He smiles playfully. “Oh, I can be in charge when I need to be.” The sexual innuendo in his statement thrills me. A sudden vision fills my mind, and I stamp it away immediately, indulging for only half a second.
The place is buzzing with people, but there’s just the two of us in our little corner. “So you have three sisters,” I say. “That’s crazy. What was it like, being the only boy in a family full of girls?”
His smile fades instantly, and his face falls as his gaze dips down to his empty smoothie. I instantly regret my words — I know I’ve said something wrong, but I’m not sure what it was.
“Uh… I’m sorry,” I offer. “I didn’t mean to pry. I can be so nosy sometimes.”
His gaze meets mine again, and it’s full of sorrow. I need to know what I’ve said, why his mood has so suddenly turned.
“It’s okay,” he says softly. “It’s just not something I talk about often. But with you…”
But with me… what?
21
“Ihad an older brother,” Joel tells me. “Richard… everyone called him Ricky.”
My eyes are glued to his, my ears on alert.
“He was six years older than me, and I looked up to him so much. He was the second oldest after my sister, Jeannine, after him were Jocelyne and Juliette, and finally little old me.”
I nod sympathetically, urging him to go on.
“He was an amazing athlete… baseball. He was aiming for the big leagues.”
I nod again, not quite knowing what to say.
“But he was also kind of a bad seed. He loved to drink and smoke pot when he could, and he partied a little too much. My dad used to always be on his case about it. He kept telling him he could go far if he just smartened up. I think that only added to the pressure.”
“Your dad wanted him to make it to the big leagues?”
“Yeah. That’s all he could talk about.”
“What happened?” I can’t help but ask — I’m shaking with curiosity.
“He… partied a little too hard… one night,” he starts, and I can tell that every word coming out of his mouth is a struggle. “It was February, off season. He’d just broken up with his girlfriend, Melissa. And he got completely wasted. He ended up passing out in the snow on his way back home. He froze to death.”
Fuck.I’m speechless. I wish I could think of something soothing to say, but I freeze. A lump has lodged in my throat, stealing my words.
He shakes his head, and his eyes are brimming. “It was all my fault.”
“How?” I ask. “How was it your fault? I’m sure it wasn’t.”
It couldn’t have been — Joel is such a sweet person. I can’t imagine how he could possibly be responsible for his brother’s death.
“We were all at one of my basketball tourneys, and if we’d only been home, my dad would have been there to stop him from going off the tracks. Mom would have offered sympathy, and Dad would have talked some sense into him. I know my dad’s always secretly blamed me. His golden boy was gone and it was all my fault.”
“It wasn’t, Joel,” I say. “It wasn’t. You were just a kid.”
“And then my dad threw all his hopes into me, and what do I do? I tear my ACL and ruin my chances at a scholarship.”
“You can’t blame yourself, Joel,” I say, trying to channel Dr. Russell, attempting to make use of everything I’ve learned to help him.
“And you know what?” he says. “I was secretly happy when I injured myself. I was sick of the pressure. I didn’t want to play ball anymore. I just wanted to…”
