Page 41 of The Girl He Loves
“I think I’m gonna pass,” Brian says. “Lots of work to do tonight.”
I wonder if he really does have a lot of work to do, or if he’s just going to creep Ava’s Facebook page again?
My head is a mess. Following a very long game with the boys, I fall off the wagon. I have so much work to catch up on, and it all seems overwhelming. When I fire up my laptop, I’m instantly pulled into social media by a compulsion stronger than logic, stronger than reasonable thought. The itch is back with a vengeance — it always is when I’m stressed. That’s when I’m most vulnerable, Dr. Russell tells me. Despite the fact that I know this, I still can’t help but surrender to it.
I spend over an hour on their pages; first Joel’s, then Renee’s and finally, I need to know what Ava is up to too — I worry about her. To my dismay, Joel hasn’t been posting much, just the occasional meme. Renee’s been posting many fashion posts as usual. She has a keen eye for putting pieces together and making it work. Apparently, fabulous glittery Louboutins just came in, in my size. I’m half tempted to go check them out, in mint condition apparently, only $350. It would certainly give me an excuse to see her again. I honestly don’t hate her as much as I should. Although, when I fall upon a selfie of her and a silver-haired guy, all smiles, heads pressed a little too closely, an unexpected wave of irritation hits me. What is going on with these two?
Ava’s been posting a lot of inspirational quotes — the poor girl is still hurting from her break-up. Doesn’t she know how beautiful she is? Doesn’t she know there are other fish in the sea? She’s so young and her life is just beginning. Her sorrowful expression tugs at my heart. I want to reach out to her and tell her all this. If she were my daughter, I’d want someone to help her.
* * *
The next day,I’m desperately playing catch up. I’ve gotten my fix, snooping-wise, so I stay off social media. I’m productive and get so much done. Work is something else I can throw myself into when my personal life hits a snag. I’m being so good, until…
My breath hitches when I see his name on my phone’s display. My heart pounds when I say “Hello.” I can almost hear the smile on his face when he asks me how I am.
“So, my sister’s studio anniversary party is this Saturday. Classes are half off. There’ll be cupcakes and refreshments—”
I laugh. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of working out… cupcakes?”
“Well, it’s a party,” he says.
“True.”
“Will I see you there?” he asks.
I wonder if he’s calling a bunch of women, doing some recruiting for his sister. Or if it’s just me. I’ll never know for sure, but something tells me I’m the only one he’s reaching out to. Or perhaps that’s just wishful thinking.
“Yes, I’ll be there.”
I usually like to spend my Saturdays with the boys, my reward for a hard week’s work. This thing will be two hours tops, I’m sure. I can do both. And ten dollars for a class — that’s a great deal.
I spend way too much time selecting the perfect yoga outfit. I even put on a toe ring and an anklet, and apply a dash of patchouli scented balm. As I’m doing all this, I tell myself that I’m pathetic, that I’m messed up.
Dr. Russell says such negative self-talk is harmful. But I deserve harm. I deserve a slap on the face.
The place is chockfull of people when I get there. Joel is already there, surrounded by women. He’s chatting up a small middle-aged brunette. Yes, the ladies love him — that’s obvious. He has charisma and a genuine kindness. When he spots me through the crowd, he doesn’t wave, he just stares at me for a beat. A whisper of a smile traces his lips, and his eyes say it all — he’s thrilled to see me.
We don’t get a chance to chat before the class, but we exchange quite a few glances throughout. I enjoy the class, despite the fact that the studio is quite crowded today. I give it my all, stretching my limbs to their limits, breathing consciously, and following Juliette’s instructions to a T. I find I get the most from my workouts when I really put the effort in. Since I only have the time to exercise three times a week, I need to make the most of it.
The studio is crazy once class lets out. I linger and indulge in a cupcake, chocolate with delicious buttercream frosting. There’s even a raspberry jam filling in the middle. I’m in heaven when Joel finally finds his way to me. “Sorry,” he says. “I’m very popular around here.”
I smile up at him. “I can see that.”
“Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to go out again for a smoothie?”
I smile. He’s making this so hard. Or too easy. I don’t know which but there’s no way I can refuse him. “Sounds great.”
His beautiful grin reaches his ears. “Okay, let’s meet back here in about ten.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I say, and indulge in another bite of my delicious cupcake.
“I have two sisters,” I’m telling him. “They’re perfect, beautiful and so damn normal.”
He laughs. “And you’re not… normal?”
You don’t know the half of it.
“Well, not quite. I have issues with anxiety and order. I need things to be a certain way or I get very stressed,” I explain, making myself sound much more sane than I really am.
