Page 39 of No Shelf Control
"Neither have you."
I hate when she's right. I really do. It happens far too often.
"I'm being dumb," I finally mutter.
"A little bit." Lilah reaches across the bar to squeeze my hand. "But you've never been in love before. You're allowed. Just don't wait forever to tell him, Jazz. It's going to eat at you until it's finally out there."
I nod thoughtfully, sipping my coffee. She's probably right about that. I think maybe I've been waiting for him to say it first, like I need permission to say it or something, but that's so stupid. When have I ever waited for a man to do anything first orgive me permission to say or do anything? Never. This isn't any different. Women can say it first.Ican say it first.
It doesn't need to be perfect. I just need to say it, hear him say it back, then maybe I'll stop feeling like I'm going to lose it.
"Holy shit!" Olive shouts from the far side of the store, making both of us jump. A second later, we hear her running toward us. "Have you seen the news?" she asks me, panting like she just ran a marathon instead of twenty feet.
"No?" I frown. "Did someone famous die?"
"His book was leaked."
"What?"
"River's book was leaked!" she cries, thrusting her phone toward me. "It's all over the place, Jazz."
I stare at her phone like it's a snake, my whole body tense and uneasy. And then I reach for the phone. My breath leaves my lungs in a strangled whoosh.
"What the fuck?" I whisper, my knees weak. My mind spins as I scan the site loaded on her phone screen, trying to process it, but I'm not even sure where to begin. River's book is online. Someone leaked it.
Oh my god. Is that why he hasn't called me today?
Does he think it was me?
Olive's phone clatters to the counter, coffee sloshing across my hand.
"Shit," Lilah says, reaching for a towel.
I just stand there, staring into space, completely numb. I don't feel the coffee. I don't feel anything but dread. This is why he hasn't called me. He gave me his manuscript to read, someone leaked it…and he thinks it was me.
"I'm going to jail again," I whisper.
"The hell you are," Lilah snaps. "You didn't leak his manuscript, Jazz."
"He thinks I did." My entire fucking body shakes. "Lilah, I've had the book here every day this week. I left it on the fucking register yesterday. What if…?"
"You think someone may have taken photos of it?" Olive asks, her eyes wide.
"Maybe. I thought I was being careful, but…" I gulp, remembering how I just left it there yesterday while I was helping customers. I thought the register was safe. It's behind the counter. It's off-limits to shoppers. But… "No wonder he thinks it's me."
"You don't know that." Lilah's expression darkens. "And you aren't going to sit here and convince yourself that's what's happening right now, Jazz. He hasn't called because he's busy dealing with this. We'll search the cameras to see if anyone tampered with it. You're going to his house. You're going to wait for him. You're going to tell him that you love him. And the two of you are going to figure this outtogether."
Right. Yes. That's what I need to do. I need to go over there. I need him to know…God, I just need him to know that I would never do this. Not even if I hated him. Not even after he sent me to jail.Never.
And if someone did get their hands on it because of me?
I don't even know. I really fucking don't.
"I'll drive you," Olive says. "Mason is doing research, so he won't be home for a while."
"Thanks." I reach for Lilah's hand, squeezing it. "Thank you."
"Thank me by telling that man how you feel about it, Jazz," she says, pulling me into a fierce hug. "We'll figure this out."
