Page 38 of No Shelf Control
Jasmine
"Ihate this stupid coffee machine," I growl, glaring balefully at it when it gurgles and steam rises, but no coffee comes out. I jab the button, then jab it again. Still nothing. "Argh!"
"Well," Lilah says, plopping down onto a stool across from me. "Someone's cranky today."
I scowl at her across the bar. "We need a new coffee machine."
"Or, and I know this is a crazy idea," she says, "but you could put a pod in it."
"What?"
She nods at the pod receptacle.
"Oh, fucking hell," I growl, snatching a pod from the lazy Susan and dropping it in. I press the lid closed, and then wait. Almost instantly, hot coffee starts pouring into the mug. "Finally."
"What's up with you today?" Lilah asks.
"Nothing."
"Liar. You've been in a mood all day."
"Have not."
"Are you really going to make me drag it out of you?" she asks.
I squeeze my eyes closed and then sigh. "Fine. River is in Los Angeles today. He was supposed to call me hours ago, but I haven't heard from him all day." He isn't answering my texts, either. Not a single one all day.
"You're thinking about your dad," she says, reading me like a book.
"No, of course not." My shoulders slump. "Okay, maybe a little. Rationally, I know River isn't doing anything he shouldn't be doing. He's meeting with his editor. I guess not hearing from him just reminded me of all the times my dad would go out of town 'on business', promise to call my mom, and then be too busy fucking his mistress to bother."
"River isn't your dad, Jasmine."
"I know." I busy myself dumping cream and sugar into my coffee. Rationally, Iknowhe wouldn't ever do anything like that. But he isn't here right now, and I miss him. It's making me a little irrational. "I just feel off today."
"You miss him."
I jerk my chin in a nod.
"You're in love with him."
"Yes," I whisper.
"Does he know that?" my best friend asks.
"I haven't told him."
"What? Why not?"
"Maybe because I've never said it to anyone before and I keep trying to find the perfect moment, but all the perfect moments are when he's inside me," I admit. "And that feels like such a fucking cliché time to confess."
She laughs abruptly, making me scowl. "Who the fuck cares if it's cliché, Jazz? You know why people say it in bed? Because they get to spend the rest of their lives, remembering the way it felt to be that intimate and that vulnerable at the same time," she says. "Who the fuck cares if it's cheesy? It's your life and your relationship."
"Yes, and if he breaks my heart while he's inside me, it'll be so much worse." I am not emotionally prepared for him to be inside me, me say it…and him not say it back. That's a level of heartbreak I'll never recover from.
"Girl, if you think that man is going to break your heart, you're delusional," Lilah says, grinning at me. "He loves you."
"He hasn't said it."
