Page 68 of The Secrets We Hide
Jude felt her breath catch.
Celia kept her gaze locked on Jude as she leaned back in her chair. “Toward the end, Myrna kept calling Emmy by your name. Then she started saying all this stuff about how she had to make sure your baby was taken care of. She was well past making any sense by then. We all thought she meant Cole. When he was a baby, there was a lotta head-butting between Myrna and Emmy over who knew what was best for him.”
Jude could feel her heart pulsing inside her throat.
“Then you sauntered back into town and goddam if she’s not your mirror image. Tommy figured it out before I did, which annoys the shit out of me.”
Jude realized she had stopped breathing.
“It’s the way you look at her.” Celia’s faint smile softened her words. “You get this longing in your eyes, almost like a hunger.”
Jude let the tears roll down her cheeks.
“And Cole. Good Lord God, you’re such a fussy grandma when he’s around. You do everything but shove butterscotch candies into his mouth. It’s clear you love him. Both of them. I know it’s gotta be killing you pretending like they’re not yours.”
Jude forced herself to maintain eye contact with Celia. Theyhad been best friends until Jude had turned her back on North Falls. She had abandoned Celia along with everyone else. But there was no cruelty in her expression, just curiosity.
Celia asked, “Aunt Millie knows, right? Which means Father Nate knows, too.”
Jude cleared her throat. “And now you and Tommy.”
“What about the father?”
Jude shook her head. “Guitar player with a nasty pill habit.”
“Some girls really do marry their daddies.”
Jude shrugged, but she was right about Jonah. “He was a good guy. Very talented. Stubborn. Maddening. I never told him I was pregnant. He was murdered a few years later when a drug deal went bad.”
“Aren’t all drug deals bad?”
“Depends on the drug.”
Celia chuckled. “For what it’s worth, Tommy thinks you should tell her.”
Jude took a deep breath. “And you?”
“All I know is she’s smarter than her grandmother, and twice as clever as her mother. She’ll figure it out eventually. And if you wait too long to tell her, it’s gonna feel less like kindness and more like cowardice.”
“When?” Jude asked, because she really wanted to know. “We buried Dad six weeks ago and Mom yesterday afternoon. She’s in the middle of a complicated investigation. She’s already cracking under the pressure. She snipes at me every time I open my mouth. I can tell she knows that something is off. But if I tell her the truth now, it could break her. Whether or not you agree with what I did, a mother’s job is to protect her child.”
“Of course it is, babe, but at what cost? It’s clearly tearing you apart.”
Jude didn’t think her own feelings mattered. “If I tell her for my sake, she’ll never believe I lied for hers.”
“You’re not the only liar in the family. Gerald always deferred to Myrna, and Myrna could’ve fixed this when they were both alive instead of leaving a mess for the rest of us to clean up.” Celia put down her mug. “She was greedy. She knew she didn’t have much time. She wanted Emmy all to herself.”
Jude shrugged, because she understood that greed. “Can you blame her?”
They both turned toward the window as tires crunched on the gravel drive. Jude grabbed a paper towel to dry her tears. She was sitting at the table when Emmy walked through the door. Her bad mood was as pronounced as a rain cloud enveloping the sky. Jude knew that feeling. The investigation had stalled. Again.
Emmy narrowed her eyes at Jude. “Why are you crying?”
“Don’t be an asshole to your sister.” Celia stood up, then kissed the side of Emmy’s head to lighten her words. “It’s normal to cry when your mother dies.”
Grief broke across Emmy’s expression before she turned away. She took her time looping her vest and utility belt over the middle hook by the door. Her fingers reflexively reached out and tapped the one on the right. In Jude’s time, there had only been one hook. Gerald had left his belt on it every night, and at least once a month, Myrna had complained about the marks it left on the wall.
Emmy cleared her throat before turning back around. She asked Celia, “What can you tell me about Mandy Vickery?”
