Page 98 of Til Death
Maybe I was losing my touch. I was usually able to block outside noise easily when I was working, but the baby situation had been weighing heavily on me. This wasn’t something that would just pass easily. A whole baby was growing in my wife and would be here before I knew it. There were too many blurred lines between us. Most of it was on my part, I knew. I was allowing my feelings to lead me instead of common sense. I needed to get my head out of my ass, man up, and have a conversation with Xylina. But anytime I laid eyes on her, I felt the betrayal and my anger took over. I was the type to handle things on my own, but maybe getting outside advice was needed. Dad was always levelheaded. Besides the issue with Phillip years back, he was good at handling things and deescalating issues without fuss.
Since the work I needed to handle was pretty much finished, I set my laptop to the side and gave Dad my full attention. I took a minute to gather my thoughts and figure out where to start.
“Xylina’s pregnant,” I blurted. Dropping the biggest bomb might as well be the opener.
Dad’s eyes ballooned. It was almost comical. “Oh? I wasn’t expecting you to say that?” He rubbed the back of his back, releasing an uncertain chuckle. “I thought you were about to say she was cheating.”
I frowned. “Why would you think that?” One thing I never suspected Xylina of was infidelity. She was too obsessed with me and making this marriage work to cheat. I thought early on in the marriage she would step out since we were barely intimate and I ignored her most of the time, but from what I know, she never did.
“Just a thought. The two of you don’t have the most conventional marriage, so I just figured…” His words trailed off.
With my face still balled up, I shook my head. That was a conversation I didn’t want to get into. “Well no, that’s not the issue. Xylina’s pregnant and things have been rocky with us since finding out.”
“Mhm, I see,” he stated slowly, stroking his chin. “And I assume you’re not happy about it?”
I sighed and ran my hand down my face. If I didn’t break down the full story, I would just be talking in circles. I took the next couple minutes explaining things to my dad. He kept his feelings off his face, listening without interruption.
“Ah, I see.” He nodded slowly. “So your feelings are hurt.”
“What? No, I’m frustrated because I’m being forced into this situation without my consent.”
Dad gave me a grin that read that he knew something I didn’t. I was beginning to regret opening my mouth.
“You know your whole life you’ve been so mature for your age. Even as a kid, you were always advanced and independent. Outside of necessities, you rarely asked me and your mother for help the older you got. A lot of my friends used to complain about shit their kids got into, but I never had the luxury becauseyou rarely shared your issues with anyone. Seeing you now is kind of refreshing.”
“I’m glad you can take satisfaction in my problems,” I stated blandly.
He shook his head. “You misunderstand me, son. I’m not taking satisfaction in anything. It’s just nice seeing you need my advice for once.”
“So what do you suggest?” My patience was growing thin.
“You need to talk to your wife. Holding everything in isn’t good for anyone. Hell, your current situation is proof of that.” Guilt passed through his face for a second. “I didn’t talk to your mother when I fucked up with my company and the result of that was you being forced to give up five years of your life in order to help me.”
“Our situations are completely different.”
His lips pressed together and he folded his hands in front of himself. “Let me ask you this. How do you feel about Xylina?”
“I don’t get what that has to do with anything.”
“You know, you’re a smart man, Yosiah. Highly advanced too, but when it comes to emotions, I sometimes feel you’re a bit behind.”
Confusion rested on my face. “In the beginning I know you didn’t care for her, but that’s not what I saw last month. At your birthday dinner, you looked like a man falling for his wife. You rarely left her side. Your hand constantly found a way to touch her. You found ways to bring her into the conversation. You even defended her against your mother.” He paused and chuckled lowly. “My point is, you created a bond with your wife and it was clear that you’ve developed feelings for her, even after everything you two had been through. From your explanation, it sounds like you’re more hurt than anything. You started trusting Xylina and let your guard down with her, but Yosiah, I’m hereto tell you that sometimes your spouse lets you down. No one is perfect.”
“I know that. Are you telling me I should be okay that she trapped me?”
He shook his head. “Not at all. In fact, if I was in your shoes, I’d be highly pissed. That’s your right considering you didn’t see yourself having kids with Xylina. But that’s not my point. You tend to put your partners on high pedestals, do you know that?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. “I saw it with your last relationship. I don’t know where you got this high standard of marriage from, but you need to let it go. No marriage is alike, and just like you want a certain life with the woman you marry, you have to loosen up and accommodate them as well. You take a lot after your mother. Emotionally she’s disconnected most of the time. It wasn’t until we were engaged that she slowly started to let her walls down with me, and then once we had you, I saw a completely different side of my wife.
“What Xylina did was wrong, we can acknowledge that. But I believe because you were finally able to see her as your wife, you allowed her to sit on that high pedestal you created. The moment you saw the flaws again, you knocked her back down and shot that wall back up. I’ve hardly engaged in any conversation with your wife one on one, so I can’t say I know her, but her feelings for you seem genuine from what I’ve seen. She’s head over heels for you, maybe a little too passionate from what I can tell at times. I believe fear drove her to make a dumb ass decision. Let me ask this, did she seem spiteful when you confronted her?”
I shook my head. “No. The complete opposite actually.” I thought about it. The day I played the recording of the voicemail for Xylina was the first time I ever saw genuine remorse on her face. She was good at keeping up a mask until it was just the two of us, then her heart rested on her sleeve and her feelingswere clear as day. Whatever ill intentions she had when she first worked on getting pregnant didn’t seem to be present anymore.
“Is she going to keep the baby?” Dad asked when I didn’t answer his original question.
I honestly wasn’t sure. She had the prenatal appointment, so I assumed so. “I think so.”
“You think?” He lifted a brow. “How far along is she?”
Shame blanketed me and I gripped the back of my neck, giving it a squeeze. I wasn’t sure about that either. At her appointment I’d left just as quickly as I arrived. I didn’t bother asking any questions.
