Page 86 of Til Death
“I don’t want you to change the person you are just because you think that’s what I want. I want whatever change you make to be for yourself. Not me, not your dad, not anyone but yourself.”
“But you didn’t like the old me. Hated her even. I didn’t want that anymore.” Unshed tears pooled in her eyes. “When I’m with you, I finally feel seen, and that’s something I never felt before. If I lose you, I’ll be alone again and I don’t want that.”
Sighing, I dropped my head and squeezed my eyes shut. There was so much Xylina was struggling with on her own andI never bothered to see it. I was beginning to believe that Xylina might not be the only one who needed to grow up and change.
Picking my head up, I stared into her sullen eyes. A knot formed in my stomach. Lifting my hand, I ran it up her neck to her hair and gripped it lightly.
“Ineverhated you, Xylina. In the past I know I criticized a lot when it came to you, but I now know there’s more to you. Like the girl who’ll throw on pajamas in a heartbeat and get lost in her Switch, tuning out the world around her. Or the girl who’ll throw a tantrum when she’s on her period just because we’re out of pickles. What about the girl who hates mess and clutter and will spend hours reorganizing things just to ease whatever’s going on in that head of yours? While I might not care, you’ve helped me when it comes to how I should dress on certain occasions.
“You also bring me back to Earth. Sometimes I get so lost in my work that I forget I’m only human. I’m overly serious a lot of times, I’m not into big crowds nor do I care about the attention I get. But Xylina,youhelp ground me. Even before, in the beginning, you were always finding little ways to get my attention. I never mentioned it, but there were days when I was first getting my company up and running, I would be so stressed and frustrated that not even taking my bike out would help ease my mind. I would come home and you would be there in some skimpy outfit or suggesting some shit I had no interest in. You’d pout and whine when I turned you down but never gave up. Those times might have annoyed me at the time, but they would also relax me. Your easygoing carefreeness was something I needed around me at times. I was just too stuck in my ways and in my resentment to let myself embrace it. But your personality, the person you are, that’s who I admire when it comes to my wife. Not cooking, not shutting down parts of yourself, not worrying about what people who don’t live under this roof think. The past couple months I’ve seen you put ona front, but underneath that you’re more than that selfish brat you were in the beginning. That Xylina is who I care about. The real you is a beautiful person and doesn’t have to change shit for anybody.”
I moved in and used the tip of my tongue to collect the silent tears running down her flushed cheeks.
“Stop crying,” I mumbled against her cheek. “I don’t like seeing you with tears in your eyes.” I kissed her cheek, then moved to the tip of her nose.
“No one’s ever said any of that about me before. I…” She paused and inhaled a deep breath. “All the guys I dealt with in the past only cared about my looks. They didn’t care to know anything personal about me and back then that was enough for me because I was the same way. Now all I want is for someone to pay attention to me, to hold me when I feel loneliness threatening to swallow me whole, to treat me like more than an object.” I waited quietly for her to continue. Every so often, I would kiss a random spot on her face.
“One reason I became so into social media was because the attention from the internet filled some hole inside me. I became obsessed with the compliments, the likes, and views. It fed something inside me. Most of the people around me wouldn’t look in my direction if the thing that happened with my dad left me penniless. Once I didn’t fit the aesthetic of that crowd anymore, they’d turn their back on me. I’ve seen it happen before.I’ve done it before.But that didn’t matter on social media. They saw what I wanted them to and they fed this hunger inside me that needed to be paid attention. Good or bad, I didn’t care because all eyes were on me and they were seeing me. In a world where I felt invisible in my own home, thousands of people all over the world showed me I wasn’t.
“I thought you didn’t care enough to pay me any attention. You always looked at me like I wasn’t there, but now I see thatwasn’t the case. Youdidpay attention, even if you didn’t show it. That makes me happy.” Her mouth lifted. Her smile was small and subtle but it made my pulse hum.
I wasn’t sure how we’d even gotten here. What started as a conversation about cooking took a turn into something I realized needed to be discussed.
“I’ve never been loud or anything like that. My whole life I was quiet and observant. Most things I didn’t speak on, just tucked it away for later. Used to drive my dad crazy.” I chuckled. Some of the light started returning to Xylina’s eyes. “It’s a habit I’ve had my whole life and one I’m probably always going to have but that doesn’t mean I don’t see you. You’re not alone or invisible, not to me.”
I could barely finish my last sentence when Xylina grabbed my face and crashed her mouth into mine. She sniffled and I noticed another tear running down her cheeks.
Tightening the grip I still had on her hair, I slanted her head and deepened the kiss. “I see you, Xylina,” I whispered, kissing her bottom lip. “I see you.” Another kiss, this time against the corner of her mouth. “I see you.”
My mouth returned to hers and this time my tongue found its way inside hers. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around me, tightening them to draw me closer.
It pained me to realize Xylina was a grown woman on the outside, but inside she was still a lonely child who just wanted someone to care about her.
Xylina clung to me, the kiss becoming more rushed.
Moving my hands to her hips, I dragged her forward until she was nearly hanging off the island.
My heart raced when I pulled away from her. Her lips were swollen and wet from the kiss. Our heavy breathing filled the silence in the kitchen. The exhaustion I felt previously was now an afterthought.
Placing my hands on her shoulders, I gently forced her to lay back. She propped herself on her elbows and watched in confusion as I then went to the waistline of the cloth shorts she wore and yanked them down. Just as I expected, she wore nothing under them. I eyed her bald mound. Her lower lips already glistened from her juices.
“Yosiah,” she panted, eyes glossed with lust. She licked her lips when I first removed my suit jacket and tossed it to the side then went to my pants. Slowly, I popped the button open and pulled the zipper down. Giving them a tug, they dropped, pooling at my feet. My dick was semi hard in my briefs. Her breathing sped up, eyes locked on my growing bulge.
Moving in, I leaned over and took Xylina’s mouth again. My hand went between her legs and fondled her clit and lips.
Snatching away from the kiss, I watched as hunger for her filed through my veins. I pulled back slightly and pushed my briefs down, never removing my eyes from her. The island had her at the perfect height for me to enter.
Kissing her again, I kept it brief this time before making my way lower, starting with her chin and moving to her neck. I rubbed the tip of my dick up and down her slick pussy lips. She moaned and writhed beneath me.
“I see you, Xylina,” I grunted, tapping her clit with my length. “You’re not invisible. You’re so fucking beautiful.” I sucked her skin and slid my dick down, finding her opening. “You light up any room you walk in. How the hell could anyone not notice you.” Kissing my way back to her lips, I allowed mine to hover but not touch hers. Instead, I watched as she gasped and her eyes rolled as I pushed into her. Her pussy was always like a suction cup when I entered her. It didn’t matter that I’d just fucked her days ago, her pussy locked around my dick without mercy.
“We’re on the island in the kitchen,” she gasped as I pushed move into her.
“Wasn’t it you who said you wanted to christen the house?”
I kissed the corner of her mouth. Her body arched into me and she whimpered when I pushed fully into her, pausing and squeezing my eyes shut. It felt like I was in a flooded furnace. Since sex started happening more often between us, her pussy easily molded to my dick.
“You fill me up so good,” she gasped, squeezing her walls around me, her hands now on my arms and her nails digging into my skin.
