Page 149 of Filthy Beautiful
Fuck.My knee was bouncing up and down.
Was I sweating?
Yeah. It was fucking hot in here.
“It’s not about, you know, beingtogether,” she said. “Like you said… it’s just a sex thing.”
“Courteney—”
“You’ve had a lot of it,” she cut me off, “and I haven’t had any. Well, other than what you’ve done to me so far…”
Jesus Christ. I grit my teeth and just let her talk. Maybe if I let her get it all out, she’d finally shut up about it.
“… I want to have more, and I don’t want to do it with a stranger. I mean, first of all, who knows what his motives are or if he can be trusted to be nice to me? And second of all, what if he’s terrible at sex? And how would I even know? I don’t want to be having bad sex out of the gate and not even know it.”
She blinked at me expectantly while I just sat here, fucking vibrating. I had a feeling she wasn’t done yet anyway.
“No matter how much of a dick you can be, in general,” she went on, “I know you care about me in the basic sense. I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt me or use me or give me a super lame sexual experience. You know, like come without making me come, or—”
“Courteney,” I gritted out. “Listen to me—”
“I’m listening.”
“You’re a beautiful girl, but—”
“You said that already.”
“It would be really… really… great… if I could help you out here. But—”
“So why don’t you?”
“Because I can’t. Because it’s a bad idea. Because it’s not what’s best for you—”
“You’re really bad at this,” she said, shaking her head. She looked like she felt sorry for me or something.
“Huh?”
“You’ve never actually done this before, have you?”
“Done what?”
“Turned a girl down for sex.”
“That is not true.”
“You’ve said no to a girl? Besides me?”
“Uh, yeah. Lots of times.”
Her eyes narrowed at me in suspicion. “What girls?”
I laughed, but it really wasn’t funny. “Believe me, if I had enough dicks to accommodate every chick who ever tried to fuck me at some party or show, yeah… I’d probably have tried.” I rubbed my hand over my jaw. Didn’t love talking to her about this, but she asked. And she wanted me to treat her like a grownup… so here was the adult truth. “But even I couldn’t possibly keep up with that demand. Besides that… what do you think I am, really?”
“You mean, besides a manslut?”
I frowned. “I like sex. If that makes me a slut in your books, fine. But I have this thing called taste,” I informed her. “I don’t actually find every chick who wants to fuck me attractive, just because she wants to fuck me.”
“Uh-huh.”
