Page 154 of Dirty Like Zane
But I’d gotten pastit.
Zane kissed me on the cheek, though I didn’t think anyone particularly noticed. No one seemed to notice anything was out of the ordinary, even though he was being all glittery about me sitting next to him. He was flashing his panty-wetting smiles all over the place, and everyone else seemed to be in a great moodtoo.
It was already loud in the room. The table was set for sixteen people, and it was now full. Every member of Dirty was here along with their partners. Brody, whom I’d met with privately this afternoon, just like I’d told Zane I would, was here with Jessa. Jude, Roni, Alec and Talia were here, and I’d also invitedShady.
As far as everyone in the room knew, this was just a regular Dirty dinner party on a Thursday evening. Adrydinner party; in honor of Zane, there wasn’t a drop of booze in the room. In order to make sure everyone showed up, I’d told them we were going to have a little nonalcoholic toast to acknowledge that Zane had been clean for twomonths.
For a little while, I chatted with Katie about… what? I had no idea. I was just kinda running on autopilot and hoping no one would notice how unusually sweaty Iwas.
Then, as soon as the food had been ordered, Zane put his hand on my thigh under the table and squeezed. But it definitely wasn’t a trying-to-slip-his-hand-under-my-short-dress squeeze. More of aCan-we-do-this-now?squeeze.
He was excited. Every time I looked at him, I could see it. The twinkle in his blue eyes… The little grin that never left his face. I could feel it emanating off of him like invisible rock starglitter.
He glanced at me now and I rolled myeyes.
He just grinnedbigger.
Then he picked up his water glass and started clinking his rings on the side of it, until everyone somewhat quieted down. When that didn’t totally work, he got to his feet and shouted out, “EVERYONE! SHUT IT. Jesse Mayes, that meansyou.”
Everyone stopped talking and finally gave Zane their full attention. EvenJesse.
Zane offered me his hand and helped me to my feet, which was good, because I was feeling a little unsteady in myheels.
“Maggie and I have something to say,” heannounced.
He let go of my hand and waited for me tospeak.
“Right,” I said, my voice about as wobbly as my knees. “First of all, thank you all for being here on time and everything. I mean, I know you all have other stuff to do and it’s nice we can all, uh, get together. And as you know, I wanted to acknowledge Zane and how amazing he’s been doing… I mean, he’s been clean for over two months now. Sixty-six days, to be exact. Totally clean, and… I’m really proud of him. So, I thought we could have a little dry toast. To ZaneTraynor.”
It wasn’t the word’s greatest toast. I fumbled my way through it, definitely feeling less-eloquent than usual, but oh well. The backs of my knees were all clammy and my heart was hammering pretty hard,too.
I had no problem giving orders and telling people what to do on a daily basis. But having to stand up and speak in front of a bunch of people I cared about, about personalstuff?
I felt mildly petrified, like the world’s creepiest clown doll had just attacked myface.
I lifted my glass and so did everyone else, and a bunch of people called out supportive comments like, “We love you,Zane!”
I glanced at him; he was staring at me, and he looked pretty astonished, actually. He had no idea I was going to dothis.
“To Zane,” Brody said from the other end of the table, where he was sitting with Jessa. I caught Jessa’s eye, and she smiled atme.
“To Zane,” everyone said, and they clinkedglasses.
I clinked my glass to the two people closest to me—Katie, who was seated beside me, and Shady, who was on the other side of Zane. Then I raised my glass to Zane himself, and he touched his glass to mine. “Proud of you,” I whispered tohim.
The sparkle in his eyes shifted in the candlelight… from surprised and joyful to proud and touched. Then we all took a sip of our nonalcoholicdrinks.
Zane’s blue eyes stayed on me, and I knew he was waiting for me to say that otherthing….
“Oh… and, uh, before you all get talking again…” I said, holding everyone’s attention, “there’s somethingelse.”
I set my glass down and took a deep breath. Everyone was staring at me. I felt Zane next to me, solid and still. I could feel the warmth coming off his arm. We weren’t even touching, but if felt like they all knew anyway. We were standing so damnclose.
Even though Brody and I had discussed it today, it was somehow still totally nerve-wracking, standing up here, preparing to tell them all aboutus. I’d been candid with Brody about my fears, about the risk I knew I was taking; that I knew I’d probably have to leave Dirty if things between Zane and I didn’t work out. He’d said he understood, but assured me absolutely nothing regarding my job was going to change, and if I ever left, it would be my choice—not because anyone was ever going to ask me toleave.
But it still feltawkward.
I feared their judgment, their doubt, and their response to this. And Ireallydidn’t want to cause drama or be the center ofattention.
