Page 153 of Dirty Like Zane
Besides—stupidly—wanting to impress my dad, I’d also always wanted to pleaseZane.
“Never,” I told him. “I don’t want to lose you, Zane.” I looked down at his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I can’t loseyou.”
“You won’t.” He touched my chin and tipped my face toward his so our eyes met again. “If I know one thing that’s true beyond all other things, Maggie Omura, it’s that you’re never gonna loseme.”
I absorbed that, nodding. “We should eat,” I said, too nervous to really enjoy the romance in what he’d said. “I should, uh, get to that phone call. As soon as I’m done with my dad, I’ll meet up with Brody, okay? And I’ll organize a dinner for tonight. Somewhere nice where we can get a big table in a private room orsomething.”
“Soundsperfect.”
I looked at my plate, but the beautifully prepared breakfast didn’t look so appetizinganymore.
“You gonna beokay?”
“Actually, I feel like I might be a little sick. Like… is it okay if I throw up abit?”
“Sure, babe. Whatever you’ve gottado.”
“Is this how you feel before you goonstage?”
“No.”
“Stopsmiling.”
I could hear it in his voice, even though I wasn’t looking at hisface.
“I can do all the talking, Maggie,” he offered, gently. “You don’t even have to say anything. All you have to do is sit there and lookgorgeous.”
I looked at him. His eyes were twinkling a little again—this time, amused and sympathetic. I couldn’t even help smiling back. But my stomach churned withnerves.
And I realized there was another reason I was sonervous.
I didn’t want to let Zane down. I’d promised him we were doing this, and I really didn’t want to fuck it up or somehow hurt him… everagain.
“No,” I said. “It should come from me. I feel like it has to come from me. I’m the one who made you wait this long. I’m the one who made us both lie to everyone for so long and keep thissecret.”
“You had your reasons. It’s not all on you,Maggie.”
“Yeah. But I need to be the one to break thesilence.”
He held my gaze, and I tried to convey my conviction and dedication to this, even as my stomach rolled. “If that’s how you want it tobe.”
“That’s how I need it tobe.”
“Okay.” He squeezed my hand. But he didn’t even try to kiss me—like he understood that it would distract me from eating, and in order to get through this day, I really needed toeat.
Then he put on some music. It was Guns N’ Roses, “Think AboutYou.”
We ate the rest of our breakfast without a word. And I managed to keep mine down… even when Zane kept smiling atme.
* * *
The next timeI saw my husband, I was walking into the private dining room I’d booked in a restaurant near ourhotel.
We’d both had a busy day. Him with promotional work, and me with trying not to hyperventilate every time I thought about the two of us being together, for real, out in the open… and calculated the odds of either of us somehow screwing itup.
Zane was already seated at the table. It was a long, wide table, and there were two place settings at the head of the table where he sat. One setting for him… and one, the only one at the table that wasn’t yet taken, obviously forme.
I sat down next to him without a word. I would’ve been on time or early, as usual, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’d had what I figured was my first legit anxiety attack in the ladies’ room on the way in. Heart pounding, cold sweats, and the overwhelming desire to climb out thewindow.
