Page 148 of Dirty Like Jude
I wanted him to stop holding me at arm’s length, treating me like I was just his fuck buddy and all that crap. Tell me and everyone else how much he actually cared about me, if he did. If he really wanted me to behis.
Or maybe just let me fucking go if hedidn’t.
I also wanted his brother to eat a bag ofdicks.
Was there a Christmas card for that? Because Piper Grayson sure deservedone.
I heard footsteps squishing in the inch of snow on the patio and turned to find Jude coming toward me. He’d followed me out from the writingroom.
“Sorry,” I sighed, because of all things, I really didn’t want to fight with him, no matter how upset I was. “For, you know, causing ascene.”
“Yeah.” He stopped a few very generous feet from me and put his hands in his pockets. Not a good sign. “I’m not a real fan of that. But from where I was lookin’, my brother startedit.”
“Are you really so upset because I had sex with him? I get that he’s your brother, but it happened adecadeago. I was young. Didn’t we both do stupid shit when we wereyoung?”
I stared him down, because for fucking sure he did stupid shit when he was young. Like telling mewe aren’t goin’ down that roadand pushing me away as if I meant nothing to him,becauseI’d fucked hisbrother.
When he didn’t speak, I went on. “Yes, I pursued him for a year. And then he fucked me on the kitchen counter at a party, okay? And that wasit.”
“Iknow.”
Oh.
I really didn’t know he knew any details aboutthat.
“Well, then… maybe you also know that he blew me off right afterward,” I said. “Made it clear he wasn’t interested in me. And believe me, with that move, I wasn’t interested in him anymore either. But yes, your brother touched me. I mean, whatever cooties he left on me are probably long gone by now, but does that make me used goods or something? Forever? Am I just too dirty foryou?”
“You’re not dirty,Roni.”
“Then what’s the problem? Why am I being accosted by your brother at Christmasdinner?”
He shook his head. “I’m gonna talk to him about that. He’s got nobusiness—”
“Yeah, he does,” I said. “If he really thinks he’s looking out for you. Saying the shit to me that you should be sayingyourself.”
He drew a deepbreath.
“If you’ve got a problem with me, Jude, you need to just say italready.”
I hugged myself against the cold as he stared atme.
“You think it’s about the guys you’ve been with,” he said, slowly. “It’s not. It used to be about that. It’s not about thatanymore.”
“Then what is itabout?”
He was silent for a moment as the little flakes of snow fluttered down between us, just looking atme.
Then he said, “I once saw Brody’s dad punchhim.”
I stared at him, stunned and a little confused. “What?”
He looked away. “Hetriedto punch him. Took a swing. A good swing. But Brody was sixteen and pretty built by then, so you can guess how that turned out for hisdad.”
“Yeah…” I said, hugging myself tighter. “Iguess.”
Jude’s dark eyes met mine again. “I know kids are abused every day, Roni. I’ve seen abuse. I’ve seen violence. I’ve caused violence. But I’ve never seen a more disturbing abuse of power than a grown man who should’ve been a father figure and a protector physically shoving a teenage girl away from him and out the door of her own damn house like she was nothing to him, shoving her down the stairs and shuttin’ that door in herface.”
As he spoke, tingles skittered through my body in a slow, slow shiver. And it wasn’t from the cold. I really wasn’t sure what he was talking about. Not exactly. I didn’t remember, exactly. But Iknew.
