Page 286 of Gabriel
She’s lying, and I know it. All of her usual tells are right there—the way she avoids my gaze. How she fidgets, wringing her hands together. I can even hear it in the way her voice goes up a notch at the end of her sentence. She’s a terrible liar, and it drives me insane that she thinks I’m stupid enough to fall for it. I don’t know what’s going on with her right now, and I don’t have the energy to push her for answers.
Not tonight. Not when I know it’ll only lead to a fight.
Whatever is swirling in that pretty little head of hers, it’s making her too guarded to be honest with me. Maybe even too guarded to be honest with herself. Fuck if I know. I don’t want to leave shit like this but I know better than to push Cecilia when her walls go up like this.
“Whatever,” I mutter, turning away, my chest tight with frustration. I force myself to climb the last of the porch steps before heading inside, not waiting for her response. The door clicks shut behind me with a soft snick, the sound louder in the silence it leaves behind.
I stand just inside the entryway. My back pressing against the solid wood of the door until I hear the sound of her engine roar back to life. With a sigh, I shake my head. Disappointment weighs heavy across my shoulders as I head for the kitchen, but as soon as I open the fridge, my appetite disappears and I find myself slamming the door.
“Fuck.” Breathing heavy, I hang my head. I hate giving her space. I hate when she shuts down and pushes me away like this.
Tomorrow.I remind myself. Right now, I just need to drag myself upstairs to my bed and get some sleep. We’ll talk and figure all of our shit out tomorrow.
CHAPTER 98
CECILIA
“You should probably answer him,” Adriana says, flopping down on the bed beside me. She hands me my phone, her eyes narrowed with curiosity. Her fingers tapping against her bedspread in a restless rhythm.
A quick glance at the screen shows Gabriel’s name flashing across it. I silence the call, the sound disappearing as I set the phone on the bedspread beside me. “I’ll call him back later.” My pulse drums louder than it should.
Adriana scowls up at me. “What’s going on with you two?”
“Nothing.” The word tastes sour. I lean back against the pillows, trying to shrug it off. “I’m just not in the mood to talk. Besides, I’m here visiting you right now.” I nudge her with my foot, hoping to divert her attention. “It’s not a big deal.”
She doesn’t buy it. Not even a little. “Bullshit.” She throws a pillow at me, dead-on aim, her eyes accusing me of lying. “What am I missing?”
I sigh, grabbing the pillow and hugging it to my chest. “Nothing. I just—” I hesitate, biting down on my bottom lip. I don’t really know how to explain it. “After the game, things got … weird.”
“Weird how?” Adriana pushes, sitting up straighter now, all her attention on me.
I hesitate, the words sticking in my throat. The pit in my stomach from this morning hasn’t gone away. It’s only gotten heavier. “I told him not to come to court on Monday. For the sentencing.”
Adriana’s confusion deepens, her brows pulling together. “Why would you tell him not to come? He’s been with you through everything, Cecilia. I thought you’dwanthim there.”
I close my eyes, letting out a frustrated breath. “I know,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper, “It’s not that I don’t want Gabriel to be there. It’s just … I don’t know what to expect. I haven’t seen Austin since the arrest, and just thinking about him and the others makes me want to crawl out of my skin. It’s like all of a sudden, I can’t breathe,” I confess. “ And I’m doing good now—we’redoing good—but what if I fall apart when I walk into that courtroom? I don’t want Gabriel to watch me break down again.”
“Cecilia.” Her voice is steady, but there’s an edge to it. She’s not letting me off easy. “You don’t know how you’ll react. You might be fine.”
“No.” I shake my head, pressing the heel of my hand to my chest, trying to ease the tightness. “I won’t be. It’s Austin, Adriana. I’ll lose it. I know I will.” I’ve been building this up in my head ever since Mr. Ayala gave me the date, and no matter which way I look at it, I’m not going to be okay. “And Gabriel—he finally sees me as strong, as someone who’s capable. Not some broken thing in need of saving. I can’t let him see me weak again. Not when we’ve come this far.”
Adriana stares at me for a beat, her fingers twisting around the loose thread of her shirt. She’s silent, but the weight of her gaze is enough to make me squirm.
“I don’t get it,” she says. “You guys are doing great. Solid, even.”
“That’s exactly my point,” I whisper, opening my eyes to look at her. “We’ve worked so hard to get here. In the beginning, it was like he was always walking on eggshells. We both were. But now, he treats me like an equal. Not some sad, broken little thing in need of fixing. I can’t risk falling apart in front of him. When I see Austin, Parker, and Gregory ... if I have a panic attack or just … break, it’ll remind him of that girl he first met. The one who was so broken and lifeless and bloodied on the locker room floor.” I rub my thumb over the scars on my wrists. The ones I don’t bother hiding anymore. “It’ll remind him that I’m someone in need of saving.”
Adriana’s lips part as if to say something, but she stops, her brow furrowed in thought.
“Cecilia,” she starts, her voice soft but firm, “I get why you’d feel that way, I do. But ...” She shifts, sitting up straighter, her hands gripping the edge of the bed now. “You’re not the only one with damage.” She shakes her head, her dark hair shifting with the motion. “He’s not going to see you as weak because you struggle. He knows how strong you are. And honestly, pushing him away when he’s trying to be there for you? It’s cruel.”
Her words sting, sharp and undeniable, like a slap to the face. My breath hitches, guilt surging like a wave. “I’m not trying to push him away,” I admit, my voice small. “I just … I’m scared, Adriana. I don’t want him to look at me like I’m broken again.”
She reaches out, her hand covering mine. “Do you love him?” she asks me.
The question hits me hard. I blink at her, caught off guard. “What?”
“Love,” she says. “Do you love him? You don’t need to answer that question. Not for me. But I think you need to decide for yourself whether or not you love him. And if you do, then figureout if you can accept his love in return. Because being there for you, Cecilia, that’s how Gabriel shows you he loves you. Taking care of you and protecting you. Keeping you out of harm's way. He does that for you because nobody ever did it for him. The people who’ve claimed to love him the most are the ones who carved his deepest wounds. Can you let him love you the way he needs to? Or will you break his heart all over again by refusing to let him love you in the way that is his?
