Page 2 of The Sniper
My mistake, and I know this, is that I’ve been trying to deal with it on my own.I dunno, fuck, maybe I’m an idiot.Maybe I think thesituationthat occurred doesn’t warrant the acronym.Other guys have seen much, much worse.
Much fucking worse.
I don’t want to go in there like a goddamn pussy and cry about what I witnessed.
What I was involved with and responsible for.
I figured I could ride it out, it would go away eventually, and I could carry on with life.I thought I was doing that.
[Insert maniacal laughing.]
The brain is a clever little fucker.Just when you think you’re ‘fixed,’ it likes to remind you that you’re not.That it was on vacation in fucking Hawaii or somewhere, like that asshole toxic co-worker, and when they return, all the bullshit starts again.
A brown-eyed woman glancing at me in the mall can see me breaking out in a sweat so bad I have to race back to my car or to the restroom to do box breathing.
Yeah, Google is my therapist.
It works, though.
I’ve read all the things and know I should go see someone, but for now, I just want to see if I can push through it.I don’t understand how sitting on a sofa talking it through repeatedly with someone who spends their life inside an office is going to help.
I even tried to bargain with my brain.It went a little like this...
Okay, I get it, this is some fucked up shit.But it happens, and nothing I can do or say is going to change the world.Waking up in the middle of the night, sweating like a pig while our heart races a thousand miles an hour is bad, man.Real bad.We could have a heart attack or go over the edge.
Let’s just put it behind us and carry on.
I’ll stop selling air-conditioning units and do something more exciting if you...shut the fuck up.
I’m aware that wasn’t exactly the positive self-talk the experts recommend, but, Jesus, I just want to get back to my old self.
I figure working with former military peers is the first step.
Liam and I joined the Air Force at the same time.Six years in, I moved into the Counter Sniper (CS) team where I trained to protect US air bases, flight lines, provide reconnaissance where needed and also protect high-value assets.
These are the skills Josh said they want to tap into—the high-value assets part.Although my sniper gear will be packed away for now, because I’ll be up close and personal with the client in a bodyguard capacity.
Which brings me back to Liam’s blindness.
Tiffany is not a diplomat; she’s some sort of Hollywood celebrity.
Jesus Christ.
I guess I asked for an easy gig, and now I’m getting it.It’s safe to say if Josh could see inside my fucked-up brain he’d kick me out the door.
I’m surprised Liam didn’t intervene.I’m sure he knows.When I returned from that mission, I wasn’t the same.
He asked.
I palmed him off, reminding him I couldn’t share the mission details.
“Bullshit.Do you need to talk to someone?”Liam asked.
“Yeah, your momma.”
“Fuck off, Jayden.”He shook his head at me.
It was a low blow, especially given how close our families are, but I wanted him off my back.
