Page 3 of The Sniper
What people don’t understand about PTSD is that it wears you down.The constant nagging inside, the lack of peace, the noise, the inability to silence anything.
Some days I feel like I’m losing my mind.
My resilience is zapped, my temper short, and honestly, some days I’m fucking worried about myself.While I was still enlisted, I didn’t want to be that guy who went off the deep end or fucked up and hurt someone, so when Liam started talking about leaving the Air Force, I didn’t talk him out of it like he thought I would.Instead, I nudged him along.
We’d grown up together, joined the military together, and as it turned out, we left together.
Liam’s desire to move into the private sector solved my problem without having to voice anything.
Like a gift from God.
The rest is history.Liam joined the BHS team—a highly regarded and connected private security firm based in Los Angeles—and I got myself a sales job.
One I hated and failed at miserably.
My boss didn’t put up a single argument when I handed in my notice, and that says everything you need to know about that.
But it’s a risk leaving and stepping into a paramilitary role.Sales might not be my dream job, but it never triggered me, and I made good money.Hell, I’ve even bought my own home.
If I fail, and this bites me in the ass, I’ll default on my mortgage, lose my home and disappoint my family.
Dad was so damn proud when I sent him a photo of me standing in front of the SOLD sign of my three-bedroom home.
“Proud of you son.I knew you’d do it.”
All my life he’d said to mefind a good woman, get yourself a solid home and the rest will fall into place, Jayden.
I was too young to understand what he meant when he first started making those comments.
Owning a home is important.A man needs his castle, Jay.
These days a lot of people can’t afford homes, so you want to set yourself up early.
I didn’t.I joined the Air Force, slept with a lot of women, and traveled the world.It felt like an adventure, one I enjoyed.
Liam lost his dad when he was young.At twenty-five, some of the insurance money was paid out to him, and when he moved to Cali to join BHS, the first thing he did was buy a home.
That, coupled with Dad’s growing criticism of what I was doing with my life, began to eat at me.I was almost thirty and didn’t own a home.
It had been drummed into me that owning a home meant you were successful in life.That I needed one if I wanted to provide for a woman and children.
Not that I was ready to settle down and do that...yet.But a house, yeah, I saw that as a thing a man should own.
Two banks rejected my application for a mortgage.When I signed the employment contract with BHS, which included a very generous salary—much bigger than my sales role—I returned to my bank, and a week later I had my loan.
Two weeks later, I bought my house.
The happiness lasted a few days, but as my start date crept closer, I realized what was on the line.
Everything.
I had to keep this job.
Last week, for the Fourth of July, Liam, Jessie, and I went home to Fort Worth—where Liam proposed—but Monday rolled around fast, and now here I am, sitting in front of Josh while he briefs me on my first assignment.
The one Liam saw.
With his blind eyes.
