Page 26 of Ahelno
For the first time, I felt something in my chest loosen. I shuddered. It felt like a piece of me unlocked.
Anixa’s warmth flowed through my mind like a gentle river. It was a healing balm that offered comfort and reassurance. “Remember this,” she said. “I will strengthen this feeling and this memory. This certainty that you know you did nothing wrong. This will help you to heal. When you have doubts, tell yourself, ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ and this memory and feeling will be retrieved.”
I already felt better. I had been reliving my nightmare because, underneath it all, I couldn’t accept that I wasn’t somehow to blame for my own assault. Now, it was like an angry blister of doubt and ugly feelings had been pricked and was slowly draining. I knew I would need to confront this daily for a while and continue to reassure myself that I had done nothing wrong.
Still, I didn’t think I wanted to attend any mating rituals anytime soon.
CHAPTER 29
Dakleth
There was a heavy feeling of darkness that I felt as part of the mating bond. Even though I thought of my mate every centine of every day, the bond was tainted. I suspected this was due to her lack of consent to the mating and the bond. It reminded me constantly of how I failed her. How I had injured the one most precious to me.
Today, though, the bond felt lighter. The darkness seemed to be receding. I could only hope that my mate was feeling content and happy, even though I worried about who might be making her feel that way.
CHAPTER 30
Andie
It had been one Ptekennan year - 400 days - since I had seen Earth. The Ptexari didn’t celebrate anniversaries, but I was marking my own by trying to make a few Earth dishes. I could make a passable omelet from ovina eggs, but I had recently learned to make a pretty decent “chicken” taco. The Ptekari grew a grain they ground into flour for their flatbreads. It wasn’t quite the same as wheat or corn, but it would do in a pinch, and I often used it to make tortillas.
Today I was using the flour to attempt a cake. They didn’t have many flavors I was used to, but they did have a sweetener to replace the sugar, and I was making an apple/pear type filling out of the zana fruit. I had even found baking soda. I guess sodium bicarbonate was a common enough mineral, and I was able to get some from the same trader who supplied me with salt. Sodium ftw.
It came out a bit denser than I expected, but it was the closest thing I’d had to cake in the past year. I was in heaven. I wanted to experiment with the recipe a bit before I let anyone else try it, but I would definitely take some to Camavel and Kashtinela when I perfected it.
I grabbed my flute to head to the palace for my weekly lunch with Kashtinela and King Akapa. We had gotten to know each other well over the past year, and they did seem like my adopted family now. The King certainly watched over me with a paternal eye, and Kashtinela felt like a true sister. I had never had a sibling, and I treasured our friendship. Today I was going to play a new song I had learned on the flute she gave me. It wasn’t the same as a piano or guitar - my favorite instruments to play - but it was something. I was grateful for the musical selections in the comms panel. I changed the words to a lot of popular alien songs, some of which were quite catchy. I serenaded M’Pak often. He usually slunk away when I was in a musical mood. I gathered the Granthor didn’t appreciate my “caterwauling.” With him gone, I even practiced some of my old dance routines when I found music with the right tempos.
It felt good to stretch my body. Last month, I had a large, empty shed/stable built in my backyard for M’Pak. He had gotten so big and generally felt too confined in my cottage. He preferred to wander outdoors most days, but the shed still provided shelter from the rain or shade when he desired it. I wondered if he would mind if I attached a barre and mirror to one wall in the shed to practice ballet. There wasn’t room in my cottage.
I had done a lot of healing in the weeks since my conversation with Anixa. I was able to accept that what happened to me - all of it - wasn’t my fault. And I felt at peace with that. But the words that stuck with me were my admission that it wasn’t Prince Dakleth’s fault either. And while I had been on my healing journey in the village, he was imprisoned somewhere for a crime not entirely of his own doing. I wasstarting to feel very uncomfortable with that.
M’Pak accompanied me as usual to the palace. The Ptexari generally left me alone when the Granthor was at my side. He was huge and intimidating, and I couldn’t say I blamed them. They would lift their crests, and I would hear rumblings of “Lumanela” as I passed by, but I was safe from curious onlookers as long as he was near. I didn’t like having to depend on him, but my novelty as the City’s only human hadn’t seemed to wear off. If he wasn’t with me, I was often crowded by curious Ptexari, especially the males. I had learned 1,001 ways to firmly say “NO.” Some of them were pretty persistent.
It was an uncomfortable fact of my new life on this strange planet, which I had accepted. Unless I wanted to arm myself and start shooting people, there wasn’t much I could do about it.
I gave a friendly wave to the guards and servants I passed as M’Pak, and I entered the Palace grounds. Even some of the palace guards weren’t immune to my human charms, I’d discovered. I’d had a conversation with Andokar about the ones who made me uncomfortable when M’Pak wasn’t near, and he’d changed the rotation so those guards weren’t on duty when I came to the palace. He assured me that was his duty as Captain for the Palace Guard, and said he would dismiss any of those who crossed a line. Having them out of sight when I visited was sufficient for me.
I was early for lunch, and played the flute a bit as I waited for the King and Kashtinela. They both exclaimed over my song as they entered. “You had told us you were an accomplished musician, but I am delighted to hear with my own ears this is true,” the King marveled. I hadn’t really said I wasaccomplished, although I suppose I could be considered so. I had described to them Earth instruments like the piano and guitar. The Ptexari didn’t have any stringed instruments. Most of their instruments were wind instruments, such as the flute, and a wide variety of drums. There was a harvest festival approaching, and the King had ordered a group of musicians to come play at the palace during the celebration. Even better, they could show me what Ptexari court dancing looked like. I was eager to see it.
I drew in a breath and broached a subject which I knew was painful for all of us.
“I had a productive session with Anixa, the Bindu mind healer,” I began.
“Yes, we are pleased Lanicar was able to procure her services on your behalf,” the King replied.
“I don’t wish to discuss the full details of my assault with you. I mean, you saw the testimony, and I know it involves your son. And your brother,” I said, turning to Kashtinela, who nodded.
“There is no need to rehash the past,” the King said. A common Ptexari sentiment, to be sure.
“Yes, but I did want to bring up your son’s continued punishment.”
At that, the King remained silent, waiting.
“I witnessed the mating ceremony of two villagers a few weeks ago. It was painful to witness, because it triggered my own memories. But seeing it from the outside gave me greater understanding of what your son must have thought when I called him ‘mate’ and ran away. The misinterpretation of my words and actions had been explained to me, but I had not truly understood until I saw it for myself. Although I know Iwas not at fault, and I did not consent, it wasn’t fully his fault either… It was a gross misunderstanding.”
“You are kind and generous,” the King replied. “I do not disagree, except that my son did violate intergalactic protocol on how to greet a new species - particularly one who emerged from a shipwreck. He never courted you. Even if youwereinviting him to mate, he should have declined.”
I considered his words. “Yes, that’s true. And the judgment and sentencing for crimes is your decision. But I wanted to let you know that, for my part, the one year he has served is enough. You don’t need to keep him imprisoned for my sake.”
